Posted by: Judy | May 12, 2015

Roots to Blossom post…

I’m tackling the list a bit at a time. I thought I’d write more as I read through them, but for the most part nothing came to mind beyond acknowledging them. A few things touched off other thoughts, but not as many as I anticipated. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel like exploring deeper is pointless; if I’ve said what I wanted to say; or I’ve simply accepted some of them.

Spoiler Alert: 18/18 Bummer.

Early Maladaptive Schemas

1. ABANDONMENT / INSTABILITY – The perceived instability or unreliability of those available for support and connection. Yes.

2. MISTRUST / ABUSE – The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage. Yes, though I’m learning better to not expect this from everyone.

3. EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION – Expectation that one’s desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. Yes, though I’m learning others are willing to be here for me.

4. DEFECTIVENESS / SHAME – The feeling that one is defective, bad, unwanted, inferior, or invalid in important respects; or that one would be unlovable to significant others if exposed. Yes. As much as I know this isn’t true, I battle it in my head every single day.

5. SOCIAL ISOLATION / ALIENATION – The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community. Yes. This is changing. I’m starting to find people with whom I fit. God bless the internet.

6. DEPENDENCE / INCOMPETENCE – Belief that one is unable to handle one’s everyday responsibilities in a competent manner, without considerable help from others. Yes. Also another battle every day in my head.



  1. I can see these schemas in myself. Small steps and some seem to be intertwined. #5 has been one I started tackling last year and have seen progress on it recently. I started to not isolate myself and even when in a bout of depression that perpetuates isolation I manage to ‘make’ myself reach out, attend my social events, talk to others, etc. And I found that through #5, #1,2,3 started to get better.

    • Excellent point! Those things are closely intertwined. I’m also learning to ask for what I need from those I trust. I’m not particularly good at it, but I’m better than I used to be. Thanks for sharing that ((TR))

      • The asking for what one needs is wonderful progress. Taking steps to do so is very healing. Me2, work in progress. ((Judy))

  2. I clicked through to that post, and I don’t think I’ve hit all 18 (the grandiosity/entitlement one in particular doesn’t fit me nor does the pessimistic outlook), but the large majority do. A part of me has surrendered to my “other”-ness. I think I do have a degree of trust in people, but not for big things.

    • I was surprised by how some of the things manifested themselves in me.

      Those big things are a real leap of faith. I tend to keep a level of distrust tucked way in the background. Part of the battle is not allowing it to take center stage.

  3. […] Early Maladaptive Schemas   Judy’s 1-6 […]

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