Posted by: Judy | January 22, 2019

Rewrites

I’m currently in the midst of rewriting one of my favorite chapters in “The Promise of Possibilities.” The heroine is learning about her right to choose.

My faith in Jesus Christ as my Savior is my rock solid foundation. I’ve had to tear down a lot of lies that were built on top of that, but I’ve never had to rip up my foundation. Blessedly, the last time I had to tear everything down was with my last counselor. He showed me how lies had been interwoven with truths. My life couldn’t stand with so much weakness built into the walls and ceiling. We tore it all down and started over on my foundation. Lies still slip in, but at leasts now it’s only tearing out a wall here and there.

It’s painful reading scriptural text about how even those who are evil know how to give good gifts. One reference is about if a child asks for food, the parent won’t give them a stone. However, in my growing up years, I was often given stones instead of food, only it was more subtle. I had trouble with whole wheat. My mother only made whole wheat bread. Yes, I often ate it anyway. It was that or go without. Her battle to ensure I didn’t get fat moved her to make pizza with whole wheat and buy whole wheat spaghetti. Knowing how much oatmeal bothered me (I coughed it up all over her, so there was no doubt), she still used it for making meatloaf. She knew I couldn’t eat green or red peppers, and she put it in everything. The goal was to ensure I didn’t get fat. Forcing me to go hungry was a means to an end and justifiable. It was also insane thinking.

My dad found an article in a newspaper about how daughters with mother’s who were obsessed with food and diet were usually overweight. He gave me the article. I looked at him and said, “I know that. She’s the one who needs to read it. Have you shown it to her?” I received his typical reply, “It’s just the way she is. You have to love her.”

It was liberating (read huge relief) when I realized I didn’t have to love her.

Why is it that everyone chants an abuser must be accepted for the way they are, while the victim must be more patient, understanding, and forgiving? I suppose it’s kind of a backhanded compliment. The abuser is too set in their ways or too stupid (to be perfectly blunt) to make necessary changes to be a better person. The victim is somehow a warped paragon of virtue; they’re to accept the brutality, forgive and forget, and continue to be a doormat, because they’re strong enough.

I remember having quoted at me verses like “if you’re compelled to walk with someone for a mile, walk two” “if you’re required to give your cloak, give your coat too” “you must forgive 70 x 7,” with the implication that the number is unlimited.

Debunking: You walk two miles with them not the rest of your life. You give them your coat and your cloak but not all of the clothes off your back. 70 x 7 does have a finite end. If Jesus had meant you must always forgive, no matter what, I think He would have said you must always forgive. Why put a number on it if the plan is to be infinite? Does anyone really think that Jesus, who is infinite and eternal, was incapable of expressing that idea? Even God has expressed that there comes a time when forgiveness is everlastingly too late. Which is why we’re supposed to repent now, today, in this moment.

I understand better my struggle with my rewrites. The original book is good, on its own, but it’s also sparse. I gave all I had, at the time. I have more to give now, a lot more. Time to stop beating myself up for the lack and rejoice in the abundance that’s now mine to share.

Posted by: Judy | January 21, 2019

Changes to WordPress

For those who blog with WordPress, changes are in the works. I know some of you already know this. Some have already make the change. Some of us, like me, drag my feet, putting it off as long as possible.

Julie Glover, over at Writers in the Storm, has written another article on the changes, walking the readers through:

https://writersinthestormblog.com/2019/01/new-and-mostly-improved-wordpress-formatting-options/

I’ll continue to put it off, largely because I want the final version. I only want to have to learn all the new stuff once.

I’ve read through the above article and a previous one. Julie does a good job of explaining and shows pictures. Very helpful.

(From a Cute Kitty widget.)

Posted by: Judy | January 20, 2019

A bit of inspiration

Happiness is self-made,

but sometimes you have to do things

that don’t make you happy,

in order to reach your goal.

Do it.

Posted by: Judy | January 19, 2019

Silly Saturday Inspiration

Posted on social media by Dobbins Air Reserve Base:

Life is like a roller coaster.

You can either scream every time there is a bump or

you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride.

Posted by: Judy | January 18, 2019

Good News Friday

*Walk and P.Croissant with my sister

*Yummy strawberry croissant and hot chocolate with whipped cream

*Silver Bells ~ Movie

*Rain

*Stayed within budget, grocery shopping

*Beyond the Mask movie score

*Week seven, after the fall, only occasional knee pain. Walking with the staff on two-mile walks but not on one-mile walks. Still improving.

What was something good in your week?

Posted by: Judy | January 17, 2019

Wednesday was better…

My two-mile walk went well. Physical therapy is still at only 2 reps with 4 pounds, which is half of what I was doing before I fell. However, I can’t complain. I’ve made amazing progress.

I ate better. Not great but better.

In rewrites, I added over 1,000 more words. Yay.

Added a few more books to the pile to let go.

Too wired to lay down for any kind of nap, despite less than six hours of sleep. Sometimes, my room is too warm to sleep. I’ve closed the heating vent. It doesn’t help.

And yes, I’m still terribly distracted and having trouble staying on task, like writing this blog.

Made a yummy discovery: Skinny Pop Gingerbread popcorn. Sadly seasonal.

Last year, Betty Crocker put out a Gingerbread Cookie mix. They didn’t do it this year. Darn. It was yummy.

I want to make a list of things I want to remember for next year.

The tinnitus is horrible; something I’ve not mentioned. I need to remember that these little things take their toll.

Having said all that, I think I’m doing better, at least today. I’m celebrating one day of doing okay. Woohoo!

Posted on social media:

Posted by: Judy | January 16, 2019

Stressed!

My sleep is erratic. My eating is not particularly healthy. I’m out of sorts.

Why?

I’m making numerous changes, all at once. They’re changes I need to make. They’re changes I want to make. Changes are inevitable. I happen to believe it’s better to choose the changes for myself. I’ve a vague idea of where I’m headed. Surprise changes are more difficult. No way to prepare.

To become more like my Savior, I must change. This is a lifelong project. I understand this. I know this. Understanding and knowing doesn’t make it easier.

What are my changes?

I’m studying my scriptures more.

I’m attending church more.

I’m curbing my spending more. I’m re-allocating how I spend what little I have. It’s a challenge. It’s also stressful. Finances have always been a constant worry. I wasn’t taught good finance habits. In truth, I was taught I wasn’t worthy of being paid for my work. I know I shouldn’t think that way, but I still do. I’m working on it.

I’m sorting favorite books for releasing. They were favorites for a reason, but I’ve grown and improved; they don’t fit who I am now. Some I’ve let go already, others I’m moving to storage. I’m not quite ready to let them go yet, but I’m working on it.

I’m letting go of habits that served me well but no longer fit.

I’m shifting clothes in my closet that don’t fit anymore. It’s more difficult than I thought it would be to let go of clothes I enjoyed wearing but are now too big. I wouldn’t mind so much if it were a significant change. It isn’t. It’s only enough to make it frustrating.

The current chapter I’m working on in rewrites has expanded significantly in size. I’ve changed telling to dialogue and added more details. Like most authors, I question my skills. Am I making the story better or simply longer?

Doubts and questions. I endeavor to live in faith. I’m not perfect.

Posted by: Judy | January 15, 2019

Why David Goggins

As I tried to explain my enthusiasm for David Goggins to someone who didn’t know who he was, I discovered I made a hash of it. I talked about some of the insane things he’s done. I can’t do the physical things he does. It’s the same with SEALfit. I can’t do what they do. Why do I follow people who do things I can’t?

They push me to see how far I can go. Failing is not something to be criticized but to be accepted and used as a new goal.

I’ve been pushed in the negative direction most of my life by people who didn’t care what happened to me and a few who wanted to destroy me. I know how to push toward annihilation. I also know it is an impossible goal. Not so long ago, I wished it were possible. Fortunately, it isn’t.

The mentors I’m choosing now push me to do the impossible but in a positive direction. Not a “feel good” direction but a healthy direction.

David Goggins freely admits he hates running. He runs ultra marathons to raise money for the SEAL Foundation, which helps the children of SEALs who have died, scholarships for college. He doesn’t run because he enjoys it; he runs because it takes him where he wants to go.

I desperately needed to learn this lesson. I needed to learn that a lot things have to be done that I don’t enjoy doing, but they have to be done. Complaining and whining does’t accomplish the tasks. Facing the unpleasant and pushing through isn’t fun, but it takes me where I want to go, to the other side of what I think is impossible.

I spent too much of my life fighting and failing to do the impossible tasks assigned to me, like “take care of your mother” “make her happy” “do what she wants.” I kept thinking that if I only worked a little harder, twisted this way, bent over backwards, was more patient and kind, then she’d be happy and would love me and would stop criticizing me. Never happened. Never would. It wasn’t about me.

The problem was that I spent so much time trying to solve her problems that I didn’t learn how to face or solve my own problems. I could also blame her. It wasn’t me. I not only had to stop blaming her (it didn’t accomplish anything), I had to stop trying to make her life better. It was a struggle to figure out how to quit one but not the other. We were so enmeshed I often didn’t know where she began and I ended. I spent my life being an extension of her and my father.

Goggins refuses to be limited. His problems are his responsibility. What he wants is his responsibility. If he has to do things he doesn’t like to do in order to attain what he wants, then he does it. He works until the work is done and then he starts the next thing.

Marcus Luttrell, when he was struggling to survive with a broken leg and being hunted by the enemy, he’d reach as far as he could, draw a line in the dirt, and drag himself across the line. He’d draw another line and drag himself across the line.

I’m still learning how to draw a line. I’m still learning how to do the stuff I don’t like to do. I don’t have to like it. I have to do it. Not complaining makes it easier. I’m still learning, but I am learning.

Posted by: Judy | January 14, 2019

Reading List 1-5

1. A Soldier’s Tale by Elizabeth Rolls Regency romance. This is my favorite Christmas romance.

2. More Pages From the Red Suit Diaries by Ed Butchart is a follow up to his previous book, sharing his experiences as a Santa Claus. What a remarkable man. Anyone can choose to be more like him.

3. Slave Stealers: True Accounts of Slave Rescues Then and Now by Timothy Ballard, with forward by Mike Tomlin. Mr. Ballard created O.U.R. Operation Underground Railroad. It’s a modern day organization dedicated to freeing modern day slaves. The slave trade is more lucrative than gun running and drugs combined. Millions of people, men, women, and children, are in slavery, right now. Mr. Ballard and all those who work with him are determined to end it. In the book, Mr. Ballard lists a number of organizations that are involved in the battle. Choose one. Many people say that if they’d been alive during the Civil War they would have been an abolitionist. Be one now.

4. Flee from Evil (Water’s Edge Book 1) by Connie Almony Christian Suspense romance. A page turner. She tackled a difficult topic, forgiveness. It mostly tied up at the end, but a few things were left for the next book. Like many Christian romances, discussion question show up at the end of the book. I wonder if I need to add a few to my own books but probably won’t.

5. Living with a Seal by Jesse Itzler is about his experience when he hires a Navy SEAL to live with him for a month and train him. At the original printing of the book, the identity of the SEAL wasn’t revealed. He was referred to simply as SEAL. If you’re easily offended by bad language and rude and crude behavior, this book isn’t for you. If you understand the context and accept these men for who they are, you might want to check it out. David Goggins, SEAL, is one of my chosen mentors. I’ve learned a great deal from listening to interviews with him and following him on social media. I’ve purchases his recent book, Can’t Hurt Me, but wanted to read LwaS first. It was worth it to me.

Posted by: Judy | January 13, 2019

Inspiration

Fear is a reaction.

Courage is a decision.

~ Motiving Force

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