From The Princess and Curdie by George MacDonald:
“The truth Fear tells is not much better than her lies.”
*Katiescottage reminded me of one of my all-time favorite movies and probably my favorite black and white movie Arsenic and Old Lace:
*Lunch with a dear friend
*Grilled cheese sandwiches
*P.croissant with my sister http://pcroissant.com/
*Lemon turnover and hot chocolate with whipped cream and a cherry marshmallow on top
*S’mores donut and Bavarian cream donut from Hurts Donut http://www.hurtsdonutco.com/
*Lunch with my Bestie at Kneaders https://www.kneaders.com/
*Lunch with another friend at Kneaders
*Visits and walks with my sister
*Homemade lunch with another friend close to my heart
What was something good in your week?
NM is exercising her usual drama. She demanded an x-ray because she was in pain. EF spent the day in the emergency room catering to the tantrum. Nothing wrong with the bones. It’s the muscle. I could have told them that for nothing.
Their money. Their time.
Why did I feel like Mt. Vesuvius erupted inside me? Why did I decide to avoid EF for the rest of the day?
I’m learning: I didn’t stew and rant to myself; I asked God. Immediately, a memory flooded my mind. Eighteen years old, we were on vacation, and I had twisted my ankle so badly it had swollen to twice the size of a softball. NM and EF refused to take me to a doctor, let alone an emergency room.
A month later, I took myself to our family doctor. He shook his head and apologized for not being able to do anything to help me. It was too late. He informed me I needed to be put in a cast right away as I’d torn all the ligaments in my ankle. He warned me that I’d never be able to wear high heels of any kind again. My dancing days were over. And to add to the cheerful verdict, it would cause me trouble the rest of my life, including back problems. Yes, the herniated disc in my back occurred 23 years later.
The herniated disc turned out to be a weird kind of blessing. The physical therapist I was referred to taught me how to straighten my foot, helping me to return my body to proper alignment. Twelve years later and I’m still doing the exercises he taught me to strengthen my core and keep my body in alignment.
As I sorted through my thoughts, calm returned. The present wasn’t the problem. The past had made an unexpected visit. I still didn’t want to be around EF. I refused to be sympathetic to his frustration. As has happened so often, he refused to say ‘no’ and expected comfort for his plight. Nope. He chose it, over and over again.
I’m making different choices.
With NM in a care center, I’m able to explore the past without any new abuse being added. Reading through the article, I remembered moments and events that correlated. It’s a relief to not feel like I’m being set up to fail all the time.
It’s strange for me to remember my dreams. I usually don’t. I also know that sometimes my dreams are simply rubbish, my brain processing my day. The brain is an amazing bit of hardware that keeps track of innumerable bits of software.
This time, it was my horse. He was scruffy and hadn’t been ridden in a long time. I spent a lot of time detailing the horse’s appearance, the signs of neglect. Chuck Norris was giving me pointers. I’m guessing that has something to do with my dad and I watching “Walker, Texas Ranger” together. We both enjoy watching the martial arts and seeing the bullies taught a thing or two.
Again, I stepped back and remembered my Bestie talking about dream animals. I figured the horse was also me; at the same time, I was also me. It was pretty similar to the dog scenario. At least this time, I’d made sure the horse was fed, but I had done little else for the overall well-being.
Funny how the eating is the part I struggle with most in my life. Practice.
It took me a few minutes to figure out the Chuck Norris angle. He was the World Karate Champion from 1968 to 1974, six years, until he retired. He retired at the top of his game. I remember reading a children’s biography about him. He is the definition of self-discipline. I struggle with it. I suppose if you’re going to choose any teacher you want, he isn’t a bad choice.
The only way to learn to take care of myself is to keep practicing, every day.
…about my dog. She was still malnourished and someone kept putting her outside. I’d have to go find her and bring her back in. I was worn out when I woke. Once awake, I slowed my thinking and remembered what my Bestie said about the dog representing me in my dreams.
The dog wasn’t as malnourished as she was in the nightmare a little while ago. Improvement. She was still too skinny and roughed up a bit, but she did look better.
I didn’t forget about her when she disappeared from the dream but quickly noticed she was missing and went looking for her. I didn’t stop looking for her until I found her and brought her back inside and tried to make her comfortable.
I’m making a concerted effort to change. I’m eating better and endeavoring to take better care of myself. I still mess up, a lot. I start over every day. If my nightmare/dream is anything to go by, I’m succeeding in my effort to improve. Go me!
I cannot buy chocolate bunnies. I have no control. And then there is the guilt factor: Save the Bunny – Eat Jellybeans!
Jon Jorgenson posted this last year, on Saturday, and I use it as part of my Easter preparation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT-QiRUwNOM
*Time with my sister
*Apple turnover and hot chocolate with whipped cream at P.croissant
*Yummy dinner with family
*Books by favorite authors, new and old.
*P.croissant with writing friends
*Lemon turnover and hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows
*Jon Jorgenson posted this last year, on Friday, and I use it as part of my Easter preparation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykEyFBqDKHI
What was something good in your week?