Early Maladaptive Schemas
7. VULNERABILITY TO HARM OR ILLNESS – Exaggerated fear that imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that one will be unable to prevent it. Yes. Considering my history, is it exaggerated?
8. ENMESHMENT / UNDEVELOPED SELF – Excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others (often parents), at the expense of full individuation or normal social development. Often experienced as a feeling of emptiness and floundering, having no direction, or in extreme cases questioning one’s existence. Yes. However, with five years of therapy it’s now a no. Yay!
9. FAILURE TO ACHIEVE – The belief that one has failed, will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one’s peers, in areas of achievement (school, career, sports, etc.). Yes, despite having 10 novels, 5 novellas, and a short story published.
10. ENTITLEMENT / GRANDIOSITY – The belief that one is superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Yes. Kind of funny how I’m able to feel “Oh, so superior” and at the same time feel worthless. This was a flaw I noticed in myself early in life and have worked hard to overcome.
11. INSUFFICIENT SELF-CONTROL / SELF-DISCIPLINE – Pervasive difficulty or refusal to exercise sufficient self-control and frustration tolerance to achieve one’s personal goals, or to restrain the excessive expression of one’s emotions and impulses. In its milder form, patient presents with an exaggerated emphasis on discomfort-avoidance: avoiding pain, conflict, confrontation, responsibility, or overexertion—at the expense of personal fulfillment, commitment, or integrity. Yes. This has been hit and miss, over the years. I worked in Yellowstone, but it was a battle to stay. I wanted to quit because it was hard. My BiL told me I’d always regret quitting, and it would make quitting easier next time. It’s been a constant battle. Sometimes, successful; sometimes, not. I’ve finished and published books, but I’m at my highest weight ever.
12. SUBJUGATION – Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced – – usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. Yes. I am doing better.
The Project: Me by Judy 
This is a hard list to go through and I admire and don’t feel alone when you share your experience with us – Thank you. I came across it in Disarming the Narcissist book about a year ago and that these schemas have a lot to do with the imbalance of healthy narcissism and unhealthy narcissism in myself. I struggle as well and I have made improvements and today I am beginning to see more and more of how ‘covert’ it is in me – like shying away from ‘perceived’ competition. I think the only difference is that often this is not how I intellectually think but emotionally can feel like this – and that guided my behaviors (as reactive). So cognitive may work for some but I had and (still have to) go through emotional/feeling work to move through these and change my behaviors. When I went through the list here, I now realized that #11 is more of a struggle than I had originally thought, I think that my lack of self-control is ‘hidden’ – like in my procrastination vs. impulsivity – knowing when to act and not when to. ((Judy))
By: TR on May 13, 2015
at 4:13 am
You’re welcome. I’m happy I’m able to help.
Yes, on an intellectual level I understand all these and the need to change. It’s the emotions/feelings I need to work through. I imagine it’s because emotions had to be bottled for so long. I’ve a lot of work to do to clean out the bottle. Acting wasn’t something we were actually allowed to do. We spent all our time watching the narcissists in our lives endeavoring to be prepared to react to whatever they threw our way. We are doing better. ((TR))
By: Judy on May 13, 2015
at 6:40 am
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By: Change is a choice | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving on May 28, 2015
at 5:38 am
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By: What has changed in two years? | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving on February 4, 2017
at 10:16 pm