Posted by: Judy | June 19, 2017

After Father’s Day

I thought about buying a card for my father but didn’t. I’m not there yet.

I’ve never denied the fact that my father is healthier than my mother, but he still did nothing to stop her abuse. He flatly denies knowing it went on. He may not have known the worst, but he too often revealed he knew there was a problem.

He often said, “She’s doing the best she knows how. You have to love her.”

As to the first sentence: She wasn’t doing the best she knew how. Not when she would look around to make sure no one overheard her nasty comments. Not when she smiled at someone else’s pain. Not when she about-faced when one tactic didn’t work and she’d try a different one. Not when she refused counseling.

As to the second sentence: No, no I don’t. The first time I said that out loud to him shocked him. He never gave me the directive again. I think with time I’ll be able to move into God-type love, but I’m not there yet. I’m working on it. I’ve already reached the point where I’m sad for her. This does not mean I put my foot back in the bear trap. I’m sad for her at a safe distance.

I’ve struggled with the honor your father and mother commandment. I’ve worked hard to find peace with myself on it. Thank you Dave Orrison over at Grace for my Heart:

I love this perspective, and yes, I’m claiming it for my own. I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but I’m headed in the right direction.


  1. I agree that is a great perspective on honoring parents that are broken. Hugs.

    • (((Ruth)))

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