Posted by: Judy | October 19, 2020

SM series Step 8

I spent a lot of years living on the surface. Below the surface was messy and ugly and scary. I visited on a regular basis, but I did little to change it. I tried, but I failed so often I’d give up for long stretches of time. My lack of comprehension of the depth and breadth of the lies was unimaginable. I was clueless, on so many levels about so many things. It didn’t help that my abuser preferred to keep me befuddled; I was easier to manipulate that way. The next step is really, really tough. I didn’t trust others and I didn’t trust myself and I didn’t trust God. Step 8 : Choose to trust. Not everything or everyone. Choose one thing and gradually add. This isn’t really where I tackled this; it came later, or at least my awareness came later. My mother pitted my sister and I against each other; she lied about both of us to each other, keeping us apart. I had to take a step into the frightening darkness and choose to trust my sister for a moment. It changed everything.

~ Laurel Hawkes

 


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