Posted by: Judy | September 25, 2019

Thinking…

My ear… I’m endeavoring to think positive, so I’ll say that my ear continues to heal. I confess to being impatient. I miss hearing out of both ears. I dislike the echo in my head when I speak aloud. On the other hand, I’m grateful I have no pain just annoyance. Sometimes, I dislike when God shows me my shortcomings, what I need to change. However, if I didn’t allow Him to show me, how would I know what I need to change?

Another trait I need to change is a tendency to pride, arrogance. Just because I know I’m right about something that knowledge doesn’t make me superior to anyone… hmmm… a sad trait I learned from my mother. In order for her to be right or good or loved, her “competition” had to be wrong, bad, unloveable. I haven’t reached that extreme, but I like to think I’m wise enough to recognize a warning. It starts with pride. Awareness is a vital start to change.

Something else I need to change is my habit of devaluing myself. I am a child of the Most High God. Devaluing myself is, in truth, devaluing Him.

Ingratitude. God has given me so much, and I fear I take far too much for granted. Every breath is a gift. My moments of despair mock all the precious gifts given to me, every single day.

Depression, an aspect of ingratitude, is a habit, a habit that served me well, for many years. It was safer than allowing my rage to run rampant. It’s time to let it go, to give it to God. I don’t need it anymore. I’m learning healthier coping skills.

Poor money management skills, I’m not quite sure how to categorize this one. I only know it’s been a problem my whole life. I was taught I wasn’t worthy, on so many levels, including being paid as promised. On a broader spectrum, I was neglected. I did my best to make do with whatever came my way. I hoard, because you never know when you might need something to trade or make do. It also created in me a painful push and pull, the desire to be generous and the knowledge I would go without if I gave away too much… because I did.

I’m still held to the past by numerous old habits. Too many of those habits have becoming stumbling blocks to where I want to go, being a better person. I can’t make them go away. They truly are etched in stone. I want — I need to figure out how to create them into stepping stones.

God is able to show me, if I will listen. Will I recognize His guiding hand? Will I be brave enough to follow where He leads?


Responses

  1. I love this post. If only we were all brave enough to recognize our limits and seek to improve. God bless you! ❤️

    • Thank you kindly, Bridget. ❤


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