Posted by: Judy | March 18, 2019

Uncovering another lie…

Tamie Dearen’s created another character who made me look at myself. She ends dating relationships whenever the guy turns serious because one guy used the words “I love you” to get her into bed. She thought she was in love.

The lie I told myself: I stopped dating because I didn’t know how to say “No.”

I say “No” just fine, though not as early as I’d sometimes like but still long before they get me into bed or even close. That wasn’t the real problem.

The Truth: The men in my life fell into three categories 1) the ones who thought I should be grateful they noticed me and were only interested in a physical relationship 2) the ones who wanted someone to take care of them and 3) the ones who treated me like one of the guys.

I was tired of wasting my time, and I couldn’t figure out how to navigate the dating waters with more finesse. That’s the real reason I stopped dating.

Well-meaning friends told me that I wasn’t the kind of girl a man dated; I was the kind he married. They never had a response for me when I asked, “How is he going to marry me if he doesn’t date me?”

Now I’ve created a new problem: It’s been so long, I’m not sure I’d notice a man was interested in me, even if he was wearing an actual suit of armor. I’d notice if he were on a white horse but only because I’d notice the horse. I probably still wouldn’t figure out he was interested in me.

I never planned to end up alone, not really. I confess I often felt like God had prepared me all my life to be alone. I have trouble hanging onto friends. I do all right as long as we don’t spend a lot of time together. How in the world would I maintain a long-term marriage relationship, where we saw each other every day?

In my effort to create a healthy habit of not falling for every guy I met who showed the slightest interest in me, I created a whole new mess. I succeeded it stopping the old bad habit, but now I’m completely oblivious to any interest of any kind. I don’t know how to even begin changing.

I want to nurture the dream of marrying not kill it.

I know I need to become the person I want to be. I’m still a work in progress.

However, I will always be a work in progress.

This, I understand:

This makes me laugh, but I was kind of hoping my knight wouldn’t be a squirrel. Maybe I’m being too picky.


  1. Some deep thoughts here. I just yesterday listened to an Oprah Super Soul Conversations podcast with Tracy McMillan–it was called “The Spiritual Aspects of Love.” Super interesting and apropos to what you’re talking about here . . .

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