Posted by: Judy | February 20, 2019

Manipulative people

I’m re-reading books by a favorite author, and she hit a hot button. Her hero is thinking of leaving his son in the care of a manipulative woman. Old rage roared forward. Interestingly enough, in the way of God sending more than one messenger, After Narcissistic Abuse posted exactly what I was thinking about when I decided to write this post:

I’d recently listened to some men commenting that their ex-wives were manipulative and they’d planned to simply turn over their children. I wanted to scream and bash heads together. Fortunately, they pulled their heads out of the sand and fought for their children. Unlike in my own life.

This is an anger I still deal with on a regular basis. My father turned me over to the other PC. What is it about people (I’ve noticed women do it too) that makes them think that turning over their precious children to the manipulative parent is a good idea? How arrogant must they be to believe that the manipulative parent only manipulates the spouse?

Wake up, people!

Manipulative people manipulate people.

They do not discriminate or spare anyone; not even their children are safe.

To the parent thinking they’ll walk away and the children will be fine: You are wrong. You’re children will no longer have you to fight for them. You don’t like the manipulative parent? Guess what, you aren’t going to like how your children turn out either because they’ll be molded by that parent. Some will escape because they choose to break the chain of abuse but many will not.

I was raised to be a caregiver. I don’t know how to be anything else. My writing is repeatedly pushed to the back burner because I have responsibilities. I accept what is. I often feel like my life is happening without me. I live contained. I’ve had spurts of stepping up, but then I grow tired and step back into the shadows. I’m complaining, but I’m also accepting what is. I’m able to make changes for a time, and then I slide back. This is why so many of my goals are the same from year to year. I’m successful for a time. It’s sort of like the intestines of a horse. The vet will pull them out to clear a blockage and then pour them back in; it works because the intestines go back to where they’re supposed to be, a variation on muscle memory.

I confess I’m still angry about how my father enabled my mother. My life is more than half over, and I still struggle with believing I’m worth protecting, worth fighting for, worthy. I’m not giving up or giving in, but I’m tired. I’ve spent my whole life tired.

God sent encouragement. Thanks to Mustard Seed Blog:

Embrace the hurt. I can’t change the past. I will keep working to learn how to care for myself in healthy ways. I will keep fighting to achieve mastery of myself. I will keep choosing to be a better person.


  1. Thank you for the mention Judy, I’m honoured ❤️ Your writing is wonderfully, refreshingly honest. x

    • Thanks for your regular encouragement, Jill. ❤

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