Posted by: Judy | February 13, 2019

Trusting God

I confess that trusting God is still a struggle. Living with CPTSD is living with proof I wasn’t protected. However, a part of me whispers I was protected from so much worse.

It’s one of those things I beat myself up over. I know I can trust God. I know He is faithful. I know He is able to mend anything broken and clean anything no matter how dirty it is. And yet, I doubt.

I had to trust God to help me with the sliver, last Thursday.

I started this post, and Behold Him Ministries posted this, a few hours later:

https://beholdinghimministries.org/2019/02/07/hope-for-today-my-helper/

A few hours later, one of the social media pages I follow shared a series of beautiful pictures with Bible verses and quotes about God’s faithfulness and trusting Him. God keeps sending encouragement.

The next day, someone on social media posts about struggling with their trust in God. How could I remain silent? I shared that I struggle, too. I shared that I’ve tried to let go of Him. Why hold on if I can’t trust Him? It was scarier without Him. As I wrote about my own battle, my faith strengthened. I wrote about looking for the little ways God reminds me He is present and mindful of me. I laugh at how He so often instantly answers silly, little prayers while remaining silent on the huge, bleeding problems. I reminded myself that those little blessings are encouragement, reminders He remembers me and is aware of me. If I’m willing to look a little deeper, He is reassuring me that He is working on the bigger things. They simply take longer. The bigger things are filled with lessons for me to learn. As long as I keep avoiding them, they fester.

My second counselor complained that I treated my life like a pizza, all the problems glommed together. I needed to separate out each ingredient and work on one thing at a time. I was frustrated because I’m sorry but life comes at me like a pizza; it doesn’t come one ingredient at a time. Now, I understand we’re both right. Life comes at me like a pizza, but I need to choose one ingredient to tackle instead of trying to jungle them all at once. For me, it’s helpful to rotate through them. Some are easy to solve. Others need more work. Sometimes, it’s helpful to switch them up, giving my subconscious time to work on some of them.

I’ll still have times when my trust will waver. God is strong enough to handle my bumbling. Blessedly, His love for me isn’t dependent on me walking perfectly. He loves me no matter what. He loves you, too.


Responses

  1. This is so beautiful. I know what you mean. For the last couple of days anxiety has been so bad and I have had those moments of doubting God. so I get you honey.
    By the way maybe we can be friends on Facebook too.
    Lucy blessed is my name on Facebook

    One Grateful LEPER is my page.
    *wink*

    • Keep fighting for you, Lucy.

  2. Thanks for sharing this. I recently also noticed how Heavenly Father keeps answering my little prayers – often immediately! While the “big” prayer that I’ve been begging for – for years – remains seemingly unanswered.

    Sometimes it feels like a tease.

    Other times, I remember, as you mentioned, that the “small prayers” that Heavenly Father answers are the tender mercies, reminders, and encouragement that we need in order to make it while He works on that “bigger prayer.”

    Thanks for this reminder, and I have to admit that I’m glad that I’m not the only one who has noticed this. I feel strengthened by your observations and testimony.

    • “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we’ll ascend together.” ~ Linda K. Burton. ❤


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