Posted by: Judy | January 31, 2019

Mulling

From my reading list, this book set me thinking: Outlaw Platoon by Sean Parnell nonfiction. Not an easy read. He recounts his time with Outlaw Platoon in Afghanistan, in 2006. War is brutal. He stated that battle removed the facades. Some people were dishonorable and some were honorable. In battle, a man couldn’t hide what he was. I’m glad I read it. Mr. Parnell has written a fiction book I want to read, and it’s on my Wish List.

I confess I was a bit rattled by his description of the symptoms he suffers due to a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). As I read through the list, I kept thinking I do that, I do that, I do that. When I was a child I suffered a severe fever, high enough to cause brain damage. I wonder if it did. I was also dropped as a baby.

CPTSD also changes the brain, something I’ve dealt with pretty much my whole life. I don’t want a pity party or to make excuses, but I want to be kinder to myself when I do klutzy things more associated with a teenager’s gangly limbs and lack of coordination, motion sickness for no obvious reason, losing track of time as in it simply disappears, though that last one has improved with regular routines.

Sometimes, it’s important to stop and evaluate, and the book gave me that opportunity. I can’t change the past. Whether it’s TBI or CPTSD, it doesn’t really matter. I have to live with the consequences. I work to function in as healthy a way as possible. I have a lot to learn, but I’ve learned a lot.


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