Posted by: Judy | January 23, 2019

Random Thought

I’m re-reading some of my old favorite romances, preparing myself to let them go. I don’t have unlimited space, and I have newer books I love more. I learned little lessons, including how to accept myself as the hero and heroine accept each other.

One of the books had a line about learning to accept self but being a more put-together version of self. I’ve been working on that for a long time. This particular story helped me define better parameters for what I meant. I didn’t want to only change the inside; I wanted to change the outside.

As a teenager, my mother took me to clothes stores suited to middle age and older women. The clothes were beautiful but also very grown up. I felt like a grown up, so it didn’t bother me much at the time. She also bought me a number of Gunne Sax dresses. They weren’t really in style, but they were pretty. I loved pretty even as I feared it. Pretty meant I was noticed and being noticed usually meant being set up to be abused. Welcome to the insanity.

My mother once called me a paradox wrapped in an enigma. I believed her. The truth was that I was struggling to live in insanity while maintaining my sanity. So, yes, the description actually fit.

I’ve taken self-improvement classes, but books are my first choice. Books allow me to read and re-read and absorb at my pace.

Another talked about falling in love with self, husband, and the marriage, every day, over and over again. In order for me to accomplish the last two, I need to learn how to do the first one.

I also read things like what good was an apology if it wasn’t backed up by a change in behavior? Spot on!

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