Posted by: Judy | January 8, 2019

On being tired…

My sister shared an article about the problems people with brain injury have with being tired.

https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2018/12/23/brain-injury-report-helpful/

Right now, I want to read this once a month, or more often, to help me remember I need to be kinder with myself. The low battery has been my whole life.

It isn’t that I don’t want to do more. I’m not lazy.

I worked for the airlines for 7-1/2 years. I was able to work as long as I did because I was able to leave early, on a regular basis. The last year and a half, work became busy. I was required to work overtime several times a week. By the time I left, I would work 5-6 days a week, 8-12 hours a day, and sleep the rest of the time, aside from walking my dog. No church. No social activities. Nothing else. I slept. I couldn’t do anything else. I’d walk the dog when I came home and fall into bed. I’d sleep until I had to wake and start all over again. I was sick on a regular basis. I chose to quit because I’d reached the point where if I was sick one more time I would have been fired.

By the time I left, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I slept 14-16 hours every day. I could not wake up. During that time, I went to school Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, with a full load. On Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, I did homework, during the same time frame as my school schedule. The routine made it possible to do what I needed to do. It was my last semester to graduate as a teacher’s aid. I still didn’t go to church. I slept. I walked my dog, every day. No movies. No social engagements. No reading, outside of school work.

When I worked in Yellowstone, I was the slowest housekeeper. I was trying to keep a pace I could manage. I was tired by the end of four months. I didn’t understand the problem at the time. I blamed myself for being lazy.

The miracle was my mission in Thailand. We had 1 day off and only until 5pm. After 18 months, I came home and once again collapsed. My orthopedist put me in a cast for 8 weeks. It was a mistake because the cast allowed all the scare tissue in my ankle to stiffen. The pain was excruciating. However, it was a blessing because it meant I couldn’t do anything or really go anywhere. I rested.

With a lot of trial and error and practice, I’ve reached the point where I’m able to maintain a reasonably normal function. I sleep 7-8 hours a night, give or take, 6 days a week, with occasional naps. One night a week, usually Saturday, I sleep 10-12 hours.

I’ve spent my whole life berating myself for not doing more. Looking at the battery, it’s a miracle I’ve done as much as I have.

Okay, God, now what?

The beginning of a storm.


Responses

  1. I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue. It’s terrible always feeling tired.

    • Yes, it is. I hope you’re able to find something that helps. ❤


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