Posted by: Judy | December 6, 2017

Self Care 18 of 25

I want to take the same care going through these as the last group of statements, focusing on solutions. I’m not good at self care, but I am learning.

Original link:

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/

18. Saying no instead of pushing through something I really don’t want to do.

My response:

As an abuse survivor, I never had the right to say “No.” I had to survive a lot of things I didn’t want to do. Abusers push, demand, threaten, expect their victims to cower and give in, no matter the cost.

Silence is usually not acquiescence, however, the other person believes it gives them permission to interpret what it means.

“No” is not a dirty word. It is not disrespectful. It is not cruel or unkind.

Learning to say “no” was one of the hardest things I ever did, and I still fall on my face sometimes.

Things that have helped me learn to say “no”:

“No” is a complete sentence. I still feel the need to explain. Old habits die hard. I’m learning.

Saying “no” to one thing means I’m saying “yes” to something else.

“No” is easier to say when I know what my priorities are.

I’m allowed to change my mind. I’ve found it helpful to stop and think before responding to any request. I’m allowed to take time to think.

Start small. Say “no” to something that doesn’t matter simply because you can. It’s easier with practice. For the record, the first few times saying “no” to something that matters is terrifying. It’s also empowering. You are worth protecting.


Responses

  1. […] Judy’s perspective is very similar to mine, here is the link to give her perspective:  https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2017/12/06/self-care-18-of-25/ […]


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