Posted by: Judy | November 29, 2017

Self Care 15 of 25

I want to take the same care going through these as the last group of statements, focusing on solutions. I’m not good at self care, but I am learning.

Original link:

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/

15. Spending money on things for myself, getting haircuts and pedicures, making time for important appointments.

My response:

This is a tough one. There’s the fight between using retail therapy, which usually leads to spending too much, which leads to another thing to beat myself up over. At the other end of the spectrum was wearing clothes with holes in the material but not buying new clothes because I wanted to lose weight. Spending copious amounts of money on treats, candy, cookies, cake, ice cream, chips, etc.

The spending needs to be better defined. I struggle to spend money in a healthy way, good food, doctor appointments, clothes that fit, good shoes for my feet, the occasional vacation to rest and regroup, things that lift and inspire.

There is no easy way for learning this one. You can’t go cold turkey on spending. Bills have to be paid. My most successful method was dividing my money into envelopes. Learning to budget is not something at which I excel. I am learning. With the holidays coming, the battle intensifies.

Have I made any progress? Yes!

My spending habits still aren’t the wisest, but I have improved. Discovering I feel better without soy in my diet, my food choices are healthier simply because there’s so many foods I can’t have anymore. This does not mean I’ve cut treats from my diet. Far from it. However, with soy out of my diet, I don’t have as much trouble feeling hungry. It’s actually easier to be aware of making healthier choices. I’m making more of my own meals from scratch.

I’m learning to choose rewards other than food, namely books and clothes and music.

I’ve made some mistakes in the clothes, but I’m learning. I didn’t want to be noticed. I wanted to hide. I bought what was practical but often not particularly flattering. Another way of punishing myself for being overweight. Unflattering clothes also increased my chances of being ignored. Nasty spiraling cycle.

Wearing pretty clothes makes me feel prettier. When I feel prettier I don’t feel the need to hide behind my weight. When I don’t feel the need to hide behind my weight, I don’t feel the need to eat to gain weight.

Practice. It all comes down to practice. I’ve read numerous articles that have said that habits take 16-21 days to form. I’ve bobbled plenty of habits I’ve done for months and years. I read one article that stated that true change can take up to five years. 5 years! It’s daunting and a relief, at the same time. How many good things did I give up on after a few months? Because I thought I failed! The truth was that I hadn’t given myself enough time to truly brand the habit into my life. Practice.

I’m saving for my next adventure, a little at a time, also gives me a better way to use my money.

It is important to learn what I truly value. I’m not interested in having my hair done. I wear it long. I’m not a fan of manicures or pedicures. Movies are not something I like to go see. I have no trouble waiting for the DVD to come out. My taste in clothes has changed. I’m buying the pretty clothes instead of practical. However, I’m better about buying new walking shoes when the old ones are worn too much.

Trying to do everything at once is a quick way to feel overwhelmed and falling back into old bad habits. Choose one thing to start.

For me, it started with one thing. My back was causing me trouble. I was in so much pain bending over had become increasingly difficult. When I could no longer bend over to pet my dog (my 75-lb dog who wasn’t short) I decided to see my doctor. Everything I did for the next year wasn’t for me; it was so I could pet my dog. Whatever it takes.

My physical therapist required I buy new walking shoes. I don’t know why but it was significant to me that with all the problems I had I didn’t need any kind of arch support. Weird. I know. My physical therapist crouched by my feet and shuffled different orthodic insoles to see what might help. He glanced at me and back at my feet and again at me. “You don’t need anything. Your feet are perfect for you.” Something about me was perfect for me. How cool is that?

Don’t allow the flaws, imperfections, and shortcomings to smother what you have to offer. Take care of you so you are ready and able to give what only you can give, whatever that is. Sometimes, it’s a smile to the cashier or someone on the street you never see again. You are meant to be here, right now. There is no one else like you, never before and never again. Stop hiding. You don’t have to shine for everyone. You only need to hold your candle in the place you are. You are worthy of care.


Responses

  1. […] Judy wrote her point of view here:  https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2017/11/29/self-care-15-of-25/ […]


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