Posted by: Judy | August 14, 2017

12 of 25 Things

As I started my journey working through these, it was to clarify to myself what I went through. However, as I’ve worked, I’ve discovered a deeper reason for exploring each “Thing.” Each of the 25 Things applied to me. I also realize that I’ve worked through some. They are no longer a problem. I’ve made progress on all of them. This is an opportunity to look back and see how far I’ve come. It’s important to do that, once in a while.

Original post from The Mighty:

https://themighty.com/2017/06/childhood-emotional-abuse-adult-habits/

12. “I feel the need to please everybody I deem ‘of authority’ and thus have a hard time getting my needs met. I strive too hard for [a] perfection that doesn’t exist, and then eventually, melt down when too many things are not up to the standards held in my past.”

My sister combined 12 and 13 in this response:

https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2017/07/12/woes-of-people-pleasing/

My response:

People Pleaser: Been there. Done that.

I grew up hearing “You’re doing the doing; do it your way.” There was one little problem: If I didn’t do it the way expected, I was corrected, regardless of whether I’d done it wrong or right. I’d try harder to do it right. It took far too long for me to figure out that the point of the insanity wasn’t to teach me to do it perfectly but to ensure I failed.

The purpose of causing someone else to repeatedly fail is to keep them under the thumb of the tormentor. Of course, there are occasional successes, the proverbial carrot on a string, only enough to keep the victim under the influence of the abuser.

It’s wearing trying to measure up to an impossible standard set by someone else. Adding to the nightmare is when I made the impossible standard my own. I remember one of my sessions with my last counselor. He wanted to know how I viewed my ideal. Sitting in his office, I could see her perfectly, the woman I always visualized I wanted to be. What shocked me was realizing I didn’t like her. Yes, she was beautiful, healthy, and successful. She was also arrogant, demanding, and unreasonable.

My awesome counselor helped me strip the lies from my foundation, strengthen the truths, and rebuild. Changing my perspective paved the way for me to release the need for perfection, for the most part. It served me well as a medical transcriptionist.

Line upon line, I released the need for perfection in many aspects of my life. I also discovered that failure isn’t a scary or a tragedy. Failure can be an opportunity to learn my limits and make achievable goals to stretch a little further.

The game changer was learning and accepting I didn’t have to stay stuck in the past and then doing the hard work to make the changes I wanted in my life. I spent a lot of time in prayer asking for God’s guidance and inspiration. Books, music, movies, people, anything and everything was an opportunity to learn.


Responses

  1. I have been reading Shefali Tsabary’s “The Conscious Parent” of late. So much of what you’ve posted as things you want to conquer are mentioned in this book. I am trying very hard to parent as my parents did not. Blessing you for working out your own issues as an adult.

    • Good for you, and thanks. Better late than never. 🙄 🙂


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