Posted by: Judy | July 5, 2017

2 of 25 Things

Original Link to The Mighty:

https://themighty.com/2017/06/childhood-emotional-abuse-adult-habits/

2. I can’t accept compliments.

My sister’s response to the second:

https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2017/06/21/compliments/

There were two reasons for a compliment: Either it was to butter me up because “they” wanted something, or it was a setup to put me in my place with a follow up criticism. Sometimes I was slammed with both. A compliment was never innocent and always came with a catch, a price to pay. It was a battle to want to accept the compliment and wondering whether a figurative backhand would be included or a request. One was painful, the other was manipulative. I wasn’t fooled by the pretty words. Either way, I always felt like I came away from the encounter a bit bruised and muddied. Compliments were always a trap.

I don’t remember when, but I remember a lesson somewhere about the importance of accepting compliments. The teacher explained that blowing off a compliment or deflecting it diminished the gift being given. What I remember best was the teacher’s directive, “Say ‘thank you’ and shut up.”

I’m much better than I used to be. I’ve practiced and practiced accepting compliments with grace. I endeavor to give sincere compliments. I know the value of the gift of giving and receiving.

Sometimes, I still have to remind myself, “Say ‘thank you’ and shut up.”

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