Posted by: Judy | May 22, 2017

Meme Debunking

This was recently posted on social media:

A lack of boundaries often invites a lack of respect.

No. Just no. Bad choice of verb.

A lack of boundaries does NOT INVITE a lack of respect. A lack of boundaries usually means that boundaries were NOT RESPECTED in the first place.

How about this instead:

A lack of respect demands a lack of boundaries.

I had to learn that protecting boundaries was my responsibility. Healthy people don’t violate boundaries. If someone is violating my boundaries, it’s a red flag.

I can’t say which came first: Respecting boundaries or creating them. I think it was more like twisting two ribbons together. One encouraged the other.


  1. My version would be a lack of respect makes boundaries necessary.

    • I like it!

  2. Don’t know if it worked this way for you, but I can recall that when I was in therapy, and really began to understand the concept of creating boundaries, (and how to use them as a barometer when choosing to either cease communications or continue communications with various people in my life), that it was one of the first times I began to feel somewhat empowered. I had previously spent so much of my life living in the shadow of being victimized, that now, while stretching my “creating and enforcing boundaries” muscles, I slowly and surely began to feel like I was getting stronger and stronger every day. There was a palpable shifting of power.

    In fact, there was a specific moment when it became clear to me that by using “the willingness to respect my boundaries” as a touchstone for various relationships, that creating boundaries became one of the most reliable tools in my healing toolbox. Boundaries not only help us define what is most important to our psychological and emotional health, but it also allows each of us to have a tangible way to measure whether we are progressing in our healing journey. The ability to create and protect specific boundaries can be a very powerful step in our evolution towards becoming confident with our ability to help ourselves heal. That “line in the sand” becomes even more important when we witness how dramatically it impacts negative (and positive) patterns of communication with various people in our lives.

    For me, creating boundaries, (and being willing and brave enough to hold true to those boundaries), began an ascent into my evolution as a self-assured person who slowly began accepting my own worth. I love how you described it as ” twisting two ribbons together. One encouraged the other”.


    • Thank you so much for elaborating! Yes! This!

  3. […] Judy, my sister, debunked one of the memes on her blog…. […]

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