Posted by: Judy | March 22, 2017

Nightmare

I hadn’t planned to share my nightmare. However, sharing it with my Bestie she had insights I wanted to share.

In my dream, I’d neglected my precious dog to the point she was skin and bones and had gnawed off her foot. It was awful, especially since I dream in color. I was horrified and distressed thinking I’d treated her so cruelly. In that middle moment between sleep and wakefulness, I berated myself for neglecting her. I hadn’t, at least not as bad as in my dream but I know I could have done better.

As I related the nightmare to my Bestie, her face lit with comprehension. We don’t always dream about ourselves directly. I strongly identify with my dog. I always joked about wishing I looked more like her because she was so pretty. I also wished my disposition was as sweet as hers.

My Bestie continued that I have neglected myself, ignoring my needs. No, I’m not starving for food. Instead, I stuff to feel full, to the point I feel uncomfortable. I have starved myself in my personal interactions. I neglect relationships fully expecting them to disappear anyway. I want to escape so much I would be willing to gnaw off my own foot and in a way I have. I’ve abandoned a part of myself, the part I keep separate, disassociated, the part that handles the crises and any hurt feelings by shutting it all down. It keeps me from living my life fully engaged, all in.

My brain has now informed me that I am aware of what I’ve been doing and it needs to stop. Now.

Old, old picture. 🙂

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Responses

  1. Keep that bestie! She sounds wise:).

    • Definitely a keeper, and she is. 🙂


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