Posted by: Judy | March 14, 2017

Consistent… or not

It’s already the middle of March and I still haven’t published the next Holiday, USA series novella. I’m discouraged. I used to be able to write 1,000-2,000 words every day and often wrote more and even wrote 5,000 words from time to time. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I’m really discouraged. I am writing more now than I was even last month.

Telling myself a lot of changes are occurring doesn’t help.

There is no joy in knowing NM is in a care center. There is relief knowing professionals are caring for her, trained to handle her difficulties. I don’t want her miserable or scared. The responsibility is off my shoulders. There’s also an unexpected sadness. I can’t change her choices, but I can make different choices for myself.

My weight is back up and that’s always discouraging. The food is not going to do anything to improve the relationship. I read and experiment and wind up back in old habits. The never-ending merry-go-round battling my unhealthy relationship with food.

I need to learn to better handle my limited funds. I hate that I’m not smarter about spending and budgeting. Knowing I’ve improved isn’t much comfort.

Sleep, no matter how much I work on improving, hasn’t really changed. Yesterday was National Napping Day. I participated. I reach the point when I simply can’t keep my eyes open any longer or I’m so cold I can’t warm up. Sleep is the only option.

Allergy season has started early. Dear Northeast, quit hogging all the cold. Send some to the Southwest. The sooner the better.

I still spend far too much time chasing my scattered thoughts in a futile attempt to corral them and give them some order. I really hate all the blank time, simply trying to produce a useful thought.

This post sounds discouragingly familiar. I don’t want to be a broken record. I want to be an encourager, positive, uplifting, inspiring, and occasionally funny… I want the same for my stories.

Maybe I need a shake up, but then again maybe I’m in the middle of one and need an opportunity to step back and regroup. I hate being indecisive.

Ah, the joys of muddled thinking. Retail therapy at least makes me feel like I’m making decisions. Unfortunately, the budget can’t afford it.

One day at a time. Can’t do anything else. At least that much is consistent.

Funny how the picture scheduled for today fits how I feel in my head.

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Responses

  1. Sounds like you’re going through a rough period. It’s important to find at least one positive in a day, especially ones like this one. A couple of years after my husband died, I posted something that makes me smile every day for the entire year. I was completely amazed at how that changed the way I look at those rough days. You’ll make it through all of this, too.

    • I’m sorry for your loss. I like that habit. Thank you, Joanna Lynn.

  2. Hugs.

    • ((Ruth))

  3. Weight! Me too, sister. Here is to loving ourselves enough to get rid of the extra pounds . . . it’s a meal by meal battle, isn’t it?

    • Yes it is! This morning I was apologizing to God for not taking care of the amazing body He gave me. Never give up the fight for healthy.

      • Right! Instead of self-loathing, I’ve been trying a gentle voice with myself. Loving myself no matter what shape I’m in :-).

        • My sister and I like to say that we love round; it’s a pretty shape. 😀


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