In truth, it’s more a matter of struggling with the re-arranging of my perspective. Instead of the desperate need to maintain a healthy distance, despite the close proximity, it’s accepting that attempts to be close are futile. I can’t explain why this eases a weight from my shoulders. Avoidance is less of a problem when one simply refuses to engage. I’m aware this isn’t possible in every situation.
The value is in finally recognizing it in my own. Gavin De Becker, in his book The Gift of Fear, has a chapter on persistent people. It resonated with me and helped me understand how useless my attempts to “explain” or “reason” really were.
There’s a sense of peace in choosing different battles. Right now, the battle is to simply maintain my sanity in the midst of rampant insanity.
My sister stops by every day to remind me I’m not alone. This is helpful.
Hattie pops in on Saturday, bringing laughter and peace, for an hour. She reminds me about abundance, graciousness, and Kenny Rogers: Know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. She’s encouraging me to run, if not literally then emotionally and mentally. It’s helpful. She recognized the insanity right off.
EF made all kinds of promises about changes and broke every single one.
I’m not surprised, but I am disappointed. I’m also accepting it and moving on.
Hattie gave me a plaque with this saying: Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a normal family.