A friend shared this article on social media:
I don’t have children, so my first thought was “Why bother reading it?” Then I realized I am attempting to re-parent myself and maybe, just maybe, I’ll find something useful in there for me.
I bristled when the author talked about accepting responsibility and wanted to stop reading. Being a scapegoat, I accepted responsibility for everything, regardless of what part I played, even if I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Not long ago, NM told those visiting that I broke one of her pans. The problem is that I didn’t. She did. Worse, she looked me in the eye and smiled as she said it. It was that moment when I realized any chance for a relationship was over.
I stuck with the article and read on. I’m glad I did.
Timeouts and that kind of correction wasn’t working in the situation described. No, I don’t use timeouts, but the methods I’m using to help myself aren’t working. I need to dig deeper.
Life took a huge turner, and I’m struggling to settle into a new routine. Maybe I need to stop beating myself up for not adjusting faster…
…so what’s the problem?
I have stories to edit, publish and write. They’re important to me, but everyday life is unavoidable.
Why am I beating myself up?
I’m not better organized, more focused, and yet… it’s a matter of perspective. I’m accomplishing a great deal, just not what’s on my usual list. I’m having to adapt. I don’t regret the changes I’m making. I’m simply feeling a bit out of sorts, on edge… no… not really on edge, not even off my game. I’m learning something new, and it always takes me longer than I think I should…
I was taught: “If you don’t do it right the first time, when will you have time to do it over?” Doing it right wasn’t ever judged by me. The standard changed randomly and always to ensure I couldn’t succeed. Perhaps I’m afraid the bar will be changed, and I won’t measure up no matter what I do.
The past and present are clashing. Am I slipping into the past?
No. I’m making the changes. I’m pleased. It’s taking me longer than I expected.
Note to self: You have a habit of underestimating the time needed. Keeping working on improving, but be gentle with yourself. You’re doing fine.