My first thought reading the title of Ginger Kolbaba’s post (God is not a God second chances, and the clouds prove it) was: “I’m not sure I want to read this. I like Ginger’s books. I don’t want to ‘tarnish’ my opinion.” I read it anyway and am grateful I did.
I’ve been struggling with my lack of finishing writing projects. I know that in order to be successful as a writer I must write AND publish.
Enter: Self sabotage.
I was more consistent in my writing when I didn’t have the goal to be consistent. What surprises me — and I don’t know why it does — is that I didn’t figure out sooner that I’m the one standing in my own way. I’m the one who fears and fights success.
Perhaps I needed the reminder where the fear originated. I figured I could share a little of the new computer insanity with NM. I complained about the problems I had with setting up my computer, particularly my irritation with the changes in MS Word. NM offered to let me use her computer. It would be like offering the family car to Carl Edwards to drive in a NASCAR race. I should have stopped there, but I didn’t want to be totally negative. So I crowed about how fast everything. NM replied, “It won’t be once you have a lot of stuff on your computer.” Wait… what? “I was talking about the internet speed.” NM walked out of the room.
How do I work past this insane fear of having my joy squashed?
During the previous exchange, I did notice a slight difference. My excitement in the new speed wasn’t diminished. I was sad and disappointed NM decided to focus on the negative.
Maybe I am improving. I need it to translate into my everyday routines.
I hate to admit I set myself up to fail. I thought I was being clever by having my 50 words a day goal. 50 words a day is not enough to be successful. It’s a good start but is severely underperforming to accomplish my goals.
A bit of good news: The first draft of All or Nothing is done and to my editor. I’m once again working on Knight in Disguise and pleased to read what I have and note it holds together well. If the latter is to be finished and turned in on time, I need 100x 50 words a day.
Ginger’s post reminded me that God is a God of infinite chances. I’ve read it for myself in His Word. I think of all the times I’ve messed up, and He gives me yet another chance. Every day is another chance. My goals are my effort to use those chances more wisely.