Posted by: Judy | May 12, 2016

Unexpected Observation

I took the day off, yesterday. I spent time with the dog. Caught up on FB, emails, and blogs, sort of. I read. I watched When the Game Stands Tall. Loved it.

I also took time to sit with my feelings. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. It was kind of odd to be so aware.

My life is one giant, never ending storm. Chaos distracts me. Fills in all the uncomfortable places. My frenetic thinking allows me to skim what’s uncomfortable.

What does Praise Him in the Storm mean to me? It means choosing order over chaos. It means accepting the storm is there but not allowing it to distract me. It means trusting the Good is there especially when I can’t see it. I never realized that good food and spending money on things I consider good were my way of focusing on the good. The outward good was easier to identify and control. I need to turn my gaze inward.

I’ve often complained that “God hates me.” It finally dawned on me that even suggesting it is disrespectful of God. Of course He doesn’t. It’s a ridiculous thing to say. The truth is that I hate myself in that moment, which is disrespectful to me. I need to own the feeling and work through it.

God has put so many amazing, wonderful people in my life to help me know I’m not alone. People who have incredible wisdom that will help me if I listen. People who see a need and offer generously, without keeping score or strings of any kind.

I truly am loved. Not by who I expected but by God and people He has placed in my life.

What do I want for my future? I want others to know they are loved and not alone.

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Responses

  1. I feel like you’re a sister of mine — we practically have the same mother 😉

    • Happy to have you as a sister, but sorry to share the same miserable experience.


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