Posted by: Judy | May 10, 2016

To sleep, perchance to dream…

~ Shakespeare

Over on FB, Warrior’s Landing shared Roland Bal’s article:

https://rolandbal.com/symptoms-of-ptsd-and-trauma-part-1/

One section addressed exhaustion. Specifically that you can’t recover sleepwise if you’re constantly battling emotions and unresolved issues.

I’ve been endeavoring to sleep better. The article suggests that my attempts are basically useless. I’m not taking this as a “you can never get well” message but a “you need to change the way you tackle this” message.

I quit using the fancy Delta Sleep CDs. I did it consistently for a few weeks. I woke up feeling like I’d taken a dose of allergy medicine. My thinking was foggy all day. Accomplishing much of anything was a battle, all day long. I felt like I was slogging through mud. And I was still exhausted, only now I couldn’t think straight either.

Evan Sanders of “The Better Man Project,” whom I’ve mentioned before and I consider to be my unofficial life coach, recently wrote about facing your emotions. I’ve come to realize how often I skirt my emotions. They’re in turmoil. The chaos interferes with what I want to accomplish throughout the day.

That’s two places telling me I need to deal with my emotions.

Jumping back to the CDs, because the emotion stuff is uncomfortable. Yes, I’m beginning to realize how much of my frenetic thinking is me avoiding my emotional chaos. What I liked about the CDs is that they helped me slow down my thinking and focus as I went to sleep. Funnily enough, even though I still woke in the middle of the night, it was easier to fall back asleep. I have a “relaxation” CD Mountain Retreat that starts by playing bird songs and then a babbling stream. Within moments of the babbling stream starting up, I’m asleep, three nights in a row. We’ll see how I’m doing in a few weeks. I tried Rainstorm, yesterday afternoon. I wasn’t sure how well I’d like it since it has thunder on it. Then I realized it was perfectly safe thunder. My morning or afternoon naps are usually only an hour or so. Yesterday’s nap was two hours. I’m not waking up rested, but I can’t remember the last time I did that anyway. I’m going to try them for the next few weeks.

I’m not sure how to confront all my emotions. I don’t have time to simply sit in a sobbing puddle. I have writing deadlines. Maybe I can figure out how to schedule time every day to tackle a little. I don’t know how that works or what it looks like. I have to start somewhere.

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