Posted by: Judy | December 28, 2015

Thanks to Motivating Daily…

Christmas is a love/hate relationship. I love it, but it always comes with a load of unpleasantness, landmines, triggers, mourning even as I rejoice in the birth of my Savior. The goal becomes to simply make it through without falling apart… Maybe I should have simply given myself permission to fall apart and be done with it. Such a choice might have shortened the spiral. Then again, maybe not.

In any case, Motivating Daily shared a quote I saw Sunday morning. I read it and first thought, “Ouch,” and realized it was because it was the kick in the pants I needed. http://motivatingdaily.com/2015/12/27/lack-of-discipline/

I am capable of astonishing self-discipline. I have 11 books, 6 Regency and 5 Vintage, and 6 novellas, 4 of which are in a printed anthology, all published since August 2012, proving how disciplined I can be. I have another novella that will be published this week and another next week, I hope. I have a third book in my Regency series due on 1 February and I’m not panicking. I’ve discovered my best writing is when I’m pressed because I have to shut off my inner critic and allow the story to tell itself.

The capability is there.

I’m to release the mourning to God, mourning the loss of my vision of Christmas. My Christmas tree and decorations stayed in their boxes. My love for cooking stayed in my pantry. My love of Christmas music stayed in my room, instead of playing throughout the house. My friends kindly invited me out since I’m unable to invite them to share the warmth of a home I don’t have. I’m packing away the wishes of someday for dozens of other little things. Maybe next year. Another year of hoping for better. After more than 50 years, it’s a habit. However, I’ve decided this one isn’t a bad habit. It’s one worth keeping.

100_2654

Advertisements

Responses

  1. It is a sad thing that I once measured holidays by how quickly I managed to recover from the wounds they brought. They were painful, and uncomfortable, and loomed like heavy burdens waiting to wound me.

    I can’t say why this year was different, other than because perhaps my mind has become altered in how I viewed this time with family and friends. I had some of the usual trepidation and worry, but it was subdued and quieter this year. As it turned out, I saw every person in my family, (unusual for me during the holiday season), and I enjoyed spending time with them. None of the usual triggers and warning bells going off. Just lots of laughter, and even a few moments of sincere and serious conversation. Very different.

    I have to give the credit to two things; our collective intention that we would spend time together without all the usual associated pain, and the willingness in my heart to simply relax and only leave room for enjoyment. I am very well aware of how lucky I am to have experienced such a holiday. I never expected that I would actually enjoy spending time with my family.

    My hope is that such a day might exist for you, too. Perhaps not this year or the next, but maybe there might be a time when your heart and soul have become so free, that no amount of negativity can burden your holiday, and you will be free to decorate and putter about in the kitchen, a quiet smile nestled in your heart, carrying you towards the New Year. That’s my prayer for you. Many blessings in the New Year.

    • I treasure your sweet prayer. Thank you. May your year be blessed.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: