Posted by: Judy | December 9, 2015

Hold it together…

My editor has finished with the rough draft of Secondhand Samhain. I’m going to give it a day or two to sit and then do the re-write, incorporating her ideas and exploding the story. It’s rushed, at this point.

Christmas Present is not quite what I expected. What a surprise. Not.

I’m feeling out of sorts. I hate the feeling. There are things I need to do because I’m a grownup, but I don’t want to do them because they aren’t actually important to me.

Today is National Pastry Day. I bought apple turnovers to celebrate. I ate three of the four yesterday. I’m not proud of it. My stomach isn’t happy with me either. Still making my life miserable with food, rewarding and punishing at the same time. It gives me a false sense of control and only temporarily muffles frustration, hurt, anger, and pain.

I slept on my left side “wrong” the other night. My left arm is sore enough to be distracting. Hate that. Too distracted to do much of anything but watch TV and read, which is not how I finish writing stories.

I’m feeling ineffective… worse, I’m feeling like I’m holding myself back. I know what I need to do and yet I feel like I’m slogging through mud, making no progress. I know sleep would help, but I have to sleep on my left side because of my back. Yippee. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

NM is doing what she can to control and manipulate. I’m not responding as predicted because the battle isn’t worth fighting. However, I’m tired of it.

Holiday anxiety is also a consideration. I know the manipulation will only escalate for the next little while. God help me. Yes, I feel discouraged. I also know there’s only one direction to go and that’s through.

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Responses

  1. I hate feeling out of sorts too. Acknowledging it sometimes helps,which you’ve done here. Once upon a time, I’d stuff those emotions and then they’d burst out of me sideways, which didn’t help at all.

    • It does help to get it out of my head. It also helps to stop all attempts to bury it. Good point about them coming out anyway. Easier to be straight forward with it. Less messy, too.

  2. Hugs.

    • ((Ruth))


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