Posted by: Judy | October 26, 2015

What I do…

I’ve struggled, all my life, to find value in simply being.

Life is kind of like Jeopardy. We’re often given the answer and have to figure out the question. I’ve always felt like what I do is what matters. If I do the right thing, then everything else will fall into place.

Over time, I’ve learned this isn’t true. I’ve learned the value of doing the right thing simply for the sake of doing right.

I’ve also learned that what I’ve read other places is true: As you become healthier, you’re more aware of unhealthy behavior.

I watch my interactions with NM and EF more and more and notice the same thing over and over. All interactions revolve around what I do.

“You’re up early.” The surprised tone of voice is maddening. No. No I’m not, at least not for me. My alarm clock is set for 5 a.m. every single day except Sunday. I may or may not go for a walk, but I’m always awake. If I had a rough night, I may not roll out of bed until my second alarm goes off at 5:20 a.m. I know the routine wakeup time is important to keep my whole day’s routine from falling to pieces.

“How’s your writing?” In progress, as always. I have plans for novellas for the foreseeable future, and I’m contracted for two more books. I anticipate proposing another series, but I’m endeavoring to not overload myself again. Four books in one year is something I’ll never repeat.

“Where are you going? When will you be back? Who are you meeting?” They knew less about my activities when I was in high school. If I lived in an apartment, they wouldn’t know anything. And then I’m beating myself up for not figuring out a way to escape this insane asylum. And being snarky is not helping.

Breathe.

I notice it with me because I noticed it with others first. I listened to how they talked to others and wondered, “Do they talk to me like that?” Yes, yes, they do.

How do they talk to each other? Pretty much the same way.

I don’t want relationships where we only talk about what’s happening at the moment, the food, the game, what’s on television, or tell stories requiring everyone to listen.

It’s the kind of conversation you have with an acquaintance. Yes, it’s a good starting point, but it should only be a starting point.

I want to be able to ask friends what’s up in their life and listen to them. Please God, seal my mouth so I don’t interrupt them after a sentence or two and talk about myself. I’m not always successful, but I’m working on it.

I enjoy the quantum leaps in conversations with my friends, the subject changing because the discussion evolves and develops. Please Lord help me to “see” the person I’m talking with and give them proper attention.

Please Lord help me to listen. I do practice active listening, sometimes more successfully than others. I like to be heard, and I want others to feel they’re heard when they talk to me.

It’s discouraging to feel like I’ve wasted my breath or left the other person feeling like they wasted theirs.

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Responses

  1. I hear you. Listening is a skill that has to be practiced. It can be really frustrating when you have an empathetic and caring heart, and yet you constantly catch yourself steering the conversation back to your own story. I’ve been doing the same thing lately. Trying to be aware, and trying to practice active listening. Which requires me to stop the words coming out of my mouth, and just absorb the words that are being spoken in my direction. Not as easy as it sounds. But awareness comes first. Then we try to do better. Practice, practice, practice. 🙂

    • Yep. 🙂


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