Posted by: Judy | October 19, 2015

I printed it for the world to see…

Melissa, over at Genesis 5020, shared this post:

https://5020genesis.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/gods-time/

This was my response:

I’m so happy for you! My counselor advised me to move out of my parents’ home. I told him everything I’d done in an effort to do so and how every attempt “blew up,” leaving me in an increasingly precarious position each time. I didn’t know why God was saying, “No.” I’ve struggled with a lot of anger and feelings of betrayal. I’ve almost hit rock bottom. God can’t take away much more. I’ve finished reading “40 Days of Grace,” and I’m reading “The Battle Plan for Prayer” as well as “Battlefield of the Mind.” God didn’t say, “No.” He’s been saying, “No yet. You’ve a few things you need to learn.” My job has dwindled to practically nothing, and my health is a mess so even if I wanted to find another job I’d end up sick more than I’d be working. Sometimes, I’m discouraged, but I’ve learned God never abandoned me. He has something else in mind. I know I need to treat my writing more like a job. I’m working on it. The home environment is demoralizing, demeaning, sometimes crushing. Why am I still here? I am learning down to the deepest depths of my soul that God is with me. He is listening. More importantly, He is teaching me I must depend on Him wholly, unreservedly, in every possible way. The lesson is painful, and yet the empty space, the sense of aloneness is gone. I’m never alone; God is always with me, encouraging me, loving me. I feel like He wants me to take that final jump off the cliff and trust Him to catch me or teach me to fly. I’m terrified. My parents are doubters, always pointing out all the ways I could fail, all the things that could go wrong, and all couched in “concern for me.” I’ve never married, a relationship that advises turning away from parents toward a spouse. God is asking me enter into a relationship with Him, demanding I give everything to Him, to leave behind the naysaying no matter how loudly it’s spoken in my ears, to be so devoted to Him those voices fade in His resounding love. Thanks, Melissa. This is the first time I’ve “said” it aloud.

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Responses

  1. {{{{{Judy}}}}}

    • {{{{{Judith}}}}}


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