Posted by: Judy | July 23, 2015

Running away aka escaping

When I lived in Europe, I came to the realization I needed to take off my gypsy boots and stop running away. This decision is why I chose not to stay in England when I was offered the opportunity.

I understood that I needed to face what I feared. What I didn’t understand was that the insanity was not mine. It took me years to figure that part out.

It wasn’t until I was with my third counselor that I finally accepted that it really wasn’t me. There wasn’t something I needed to change. There wasn’t a magic formula. I couldn’t simply try harder to make it all work. It wasn’t me.

Last Sunday, Darlene Ouimet from EFB the book posted this on FB:

No matter which coping method issue that I look at within myself, I have determined the core of it to be related to trying to leave myself. There is a disconnection from myself that I developed when I was a child; it was my way to escape and I became attached to it. Every time I examine one of those “still tangled threads” I keep coming back to this disconnection that it seems I actually seek- escaping myself. I am convinced that at least one of the reasons that I am attached to this “leaving myself” is because when I was a child, dissociation is what worked for me.

I knew I’d been running away from my situation. It never occurred to me, until I read this, that I was running away from myself. The struggle I’m having now is that I’m still attempting to run away from myself. The chase is easing up as I learn better skills, but knowing this new bit of information will broaden my scope.

A part of me understood this, but not a conscious part. As I explore the idea, I think it’s a bit painful to realize I’ve been running away from me all this time. It’s so obvious now I see it.

I stopped running away from the situation thirty years ago. I need to stop running away from me. I learned embracing the situation wasn’t healthy. Now, I need to learn something new: I need to learn to embrace me… I need to believe I am capable of handling the tribulations in my life because God is with me, and He is always sending inspiration and angels to help me.



  1. My drinking was me running away from my feelings, particularly sadness and anger. It worked for me… until it didn’t and became clear I was rather quickly killing myself.

    I still am not great with my feelings, but bitty to acknowledge them, which gives my self-harm tendencies less power.

    I have to admit, running away to Europe sounds rather lovely 😉

    • Good point. I run away using food.

      Not sorry I ran away to Europe when I did. It was amazing. 🙂

  2. The difficulty with integration was they hated each other and themselves. Finally loving yourself is more than a Flylady motto. Hugs.

    • ((Ruth))

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