Posted by: Judy | July 20, 2015

Follow Up on Punishing Myself…

I was feeling like quite the failure. As I laid in bed, a gentle reminder nudged at me. I was resting.

Memories drifted back.

Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc. I remember sleeping only an hour or two at a time. The pain was excruciating. There was no comfortable way to lay down, sit, or stand. I turned on a television station that no longer exists. Thanks God for providing it when I needed it. It played Christian music all night, along with beautiful landscape pictures, mountains, forests, streams, ocean, etc, along with scriptures and encouraging quotes. I’d sleep for an hour, wake up and watch the show, and fall asleep for another hour or two, and wake up and watch the show. I don’t know how I would have made it without that distraction at night.

I didn’t own a foam-molding mattress yet. What a blessing it is. Without it, my left hip hurt from laying on my left side. I could not lay any other way. The pain down my leg, the pain across my back. Awful.

After the epidural, the nurse called to ask how I was doing. I felt wonderful. She gently reminded me it wasn’t the epidural I was feeling and it wouldn’t last. I assured her I knew but it was such a relief to finally be pain free, even if only for a few hours.

My back was given a week or two to calm down, and then I started physical therapy. I worked hard. I did everything I was asked. I pushed harder. Every time I did, I did damage. I wanted to prove I was tougher. I was biking 100 miles a week. Every once in a while, I moved wrong. Nothing quite like feeling like your back is tearing in half. I returned to my beginning physical therapy exercises.

I know I’ve complained about how badly I’m doing. As I lay there the other night, I stopped and took notice.

I sleep on my side without pain. I even sleep part of the night on my back sometimes, without pain, though I can’t do that on a regular basis. Still, it’s a pleasure to be able to once in a while.

Even with the fall last year and this year, I’m able to sleep relatively pain free.

Proof positive I’m improving.



  1. I hope your injuries all continue to improve.

    • Thanks, Judith.

  2. Maybe your measuring against the wrong standard. I know you fairly well and I would say the 10 commandments are followed. You care for others. You give service by sharing your experience. You bring joy to others through your writing, books and blogs. Besides you are awesome. I would want you in my corner any day. Hugs.

    • (((Ruth)))

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