Posted by: Judy | June 18, 2015

Schema rethink 3

3. EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION – Expectation that one’s desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. Yes, though I’m learning others are willing to be here for me.

I had a very important lesson to learn first: No one person is able to give all the emotional support necessary for healthy living. Once I realized this, I discovered how much power I possessed to give myself emotional support.

Yes, I still need emotional support from others, but I’ve learned to spread it over a number of different people, my support system, my network, my team! Many people have no idea they’re on my team, other bloggers and authors and people who inspire me.

I also needed to learn that I needed to reciprocate. No one is able to give all the time or in the same way. If someone is unable to accept what I have to give, then I have to remember that turning myself into a pretzel will not improve the situation. My healthy friendships are the ones in which we each bring something helpful to the relationship. Cheerleader, sounding board, listening ear, someone to laugh with or cry with, someone to celebrate with, someone who adds more to my life and I add to theirs (even if it’s only reading their book or post).

Again, healthy boundaries come into play. I had no idea how important and far-reaching boundaries truly are.

Practice, of course, is another necessary tool for the toolbox. I knew it in my head, but I didn’t appreciate how much practice would be required. Practice being emotionally supportive and allowing others to be there for me.

So far, the commonalities in overcoming these schema are two fold: Healthy boundaries and practice. Both only change in their application…

I know how to practice, and I’m learning healthy boundaries. My thanks to my last counselor worked on fine-tuning those skills, and I didn’t even realize what he was doing.

I have 15 more schema to explore. This has been an eye-opener. I actually am making a lot of healthy changes in my life. Woohoo!

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Responses

  1. Woohoo! You are! This was for me too the first lesson I had to learn: “No one person is able to give all the emotional support necessary for healthy living.” It is a team effort, my DH can not be the 100% support I need, that is too much of a burden on any one person. And amen, it is powerful to realize that I am a source of support to myself and that others support me. 🙂

    • 🙂

  2. Excellent observations! I also have gravitated towards finding others to be my support team who are not always aware of their role. Also it is important to reciprocate. By doing so, we are building healthy relationships…

    • Yes, we are, despite the early life lessons. I’m proud to be an old dog learning new tricks. 🙂

      • I have also found getting older to be a wonderful experience.


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