Posted by: Judy | April 29, 2015

Follow Up on Interesting Meme…

TR wrote her own post discussing adult bullying further.

https://inbadcompanyinc.wordpress.com/2015/04/28/adult-bullying/

It’s an excellent exploration.

It was also eye-opening. I give up, a lot.

Seemingly inconsequential boundaries were set, i.e., my time in the kitchen. NM tells everyone that she’s so careful of my time. No, she isn’t. Neither is EF. She’s noticed I don’t actually use one of the hours. I gave up on that one early on. She wants the time. It’s a sick game they play of how far can they push.

I’m supposed to have a total of 4 hours a day in the kitchen. Adding up the time I actually use, it totals less than an hour. Cereal, sandwiches, and crackers and cheese comprise most of my diet. It’s fast and easy.

Other times, when I’m expected to leave, she’s hung out in the kitchen or dining room, waiting for me to pass through, calling cheery greetings. I feel ambushed. She tells me and others that she doesn’t talk to me so she doesn’t interrupt my thinking, one of the first requests and blatantly ignored.

Allowing me to initiate conversations: This has been ignored from the start.

NM is using pet names, and it’s all I can do to remain civil. She’s acting all concerned about my safety. I hate this buttering up phase. It’s a setup. I’m a nice person. I feel horrible for being so mean to NM, mostly ignoring her. Unfortunately, I know the flip-flop is coming. I’m attempting to maintain a bit of consistency.

NM and EF said they would pay for some help for me. I’ve paid for most of it. This is also standard operating procedure. They will volunteer to pay others and brag when those people refuse payment. They are obsessed with getting things for free, completely discounting that someone pays the price.

Every single thing asked of them has been fudged on, ignored, or used to guilt me in one way or another. Not to mention what they tell others about me.

And they wonder why I avoid them.

I sometimes wonder if someone tells them about my blog because every once in a while everything changes, like they know. It doesn’t take long for them to revert to their usual behavior, but those brief changes are scary.

The “silent treatment” stage is unsettling only because I wonder when it will end. The “we love you” and “we just want to help you and be with you” phase is terrifying. It never lasts, and the backlash will come.

Hmmm… Maybe that’s why I’m so stressed and edgy; I know the danger lurking, waiting to strike… wonderfully melodramatic. Unfortunately, it’s also true.

Jessie brought up something I hadn’t thought about: What is bullying? Tackling tomorrow. Looking forward to hearing different perspectives.

If God won’t protect me from the coming storm, may He strengthen me.

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Responses

  1. I think there are several parts to giving up. I give up on having a healthy relationship with my FOO. Now, my mother is the ‘gatekeeper’ to seeing my father. After reading your thoughts I realized that I made a mistake in how I used the word ‘give up’ (thank you for that). I think that there is the other part of ‘giving into’ the manipulation. And I haven’t seen you do that and also evidenced by their upping the antics. I don’t think I can FIGHT every battle and only FIGHT the ones that I decide are worth fighting. That is why I LOVE this photo – I can’t tell you how many times this image comes to me. I think the reason why it is powerful to me is b/c she is prepared to FIGHT but at the same time in a position that isn’t in ‘attack’ mode. It is like she is prepared to walk away or fight when she decides that it is necessary. So powerful.

    I’m interested in other thoughts on ‘bullying’ as well.

    • I see what you mean by ‘give up.’ It hit me the way it did because it’s where I am in my head. Thanks for reminding me I haven’t given in.

      The warrior is who I want to be. The scratches and dirt reveal she’s been fighting but hasn’t had the opportunity to clean up; battle is messy. She’s still. She taking a moment to rest, but she hasn’t put down her sword. She’s beautiful, and no one would mistake her for weak.

      • She wears her scars on the outside. Yes, she is beautiful.

        • Perhaps it’s that even scarred, she’s still beautiful… or perhaps the scars add their own touch of beauty, the beauty of battling on, not truly giving up. 🙂

          • What you wrote is really beautiful. 🙂

            • ((TR))

  2. Some battles aren’t worth fighting. I don’t fight a mosquito. Not much point. I use vinegar to clean up the bite but they attack by stealth. We are accustomed to stealth attacks. It is what we know and we know the signs of eminent attack. Mother being nice soon means there is hell to pay. The thought still causes me to cringe internally. Hugs. I like the point that you haven’t given in. Resting is not giving up.

    • Thanks ((Ruth))

  3. One of the hardest things about dealing with my Ns is that feeling of never knowing when the next “bomb” will be dropped. I think it has contributed significantly to my C-PTSD. I feel unstable and like I’m always looking over my shoulder. Nothing is as it seems and you can’t trust anything for what it is at face value.
    I really feel for you being in the same house with your NM. That must be so unbalancing and limit your abilities to feel safe and decompress. She really is an awful woman to you. Keep fighting for you.

    • Looking over your shoulder is a healthy response to the situation. It’s better than being blindsided.


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