Posted by: Judy | March 23, 2015

Journeys and Destinations…

Last week, it was pointed out that there is comfort in knowing life is more about the journey than the destination. I agree. It sounds like I’m contradicting myself.

The more I thought about it, the more it became clear this needed its own post.

As victims, it was all about the destination. If I just do everything right, they’ll love me. If I just love them enough, they’ll love me.

If I think about the destination, then I don’t have to live in the journey.

The destination was earning their love, no matter what you had to do to ARRIVE. The abuser decided the destination and constantly changed what had to be done to reach it.

Somewhere along the way, we see the meme about it being the journey and not the destination. By this time, we realize that the destination idea is a sham.

No wonder we embrace the idea of life being about the journey. The destination was a lie. Even the journey wasn’t what was painted. However, it gave us a starting point.

I have to step back and see through the eyes of a “normal” person. Many are caught up in “Someday, I’ll be happy.” “Someday, I’ll have what I want.” “Someday, I’ll be skinny.” “Someday, I’ll be rich.” They are lost in someday.

Someday never happens.

Okay, that isn’t strictly true. Someday happens one day at a time. One day at a time, we create our someday.

Maybe if I enjoy one day at a time, I’ll have a whole bunch of happy todays that add up to a happy someday.

Dreams don’t come true without planning and work, today. But what is the purpose today’s efforts if we don’t have dreams?

And we come to the chicken/egg question.

It doesn’t really matter which came first as long as both are prepared into something yummy.

Bet you didn’t see that one coming. 😉



  1. The problem with the abuser destination is that it doesn’t actually exist. It’s a trick. Their love isn’t achievable no matter how many ways you try to approach it — the destination is a lie.

    The sad part was even when I realized this, I STILL kept trying to at least make the situation better (I.e., not rattling the NM while thinking “she’s doing the best she can with her limited abilities”), which was also the wrong journey because the destination was a lie. So I got off the crazy train to nowhere.

    Love your yummy chicken and egg line 🙂

    • “The sad part was even when I realized this, I STILL kept trying to at least make the situation better…” Me, too! Me, too! Me, too!

      It’s such a relief to step off that train. And it is possible to do while still living in the same house.

      Glad you liked that line. It popped out of nowhere. 🙂

      • At some point, trying to “be the better person” was making me a lesser human being to myself.

        The best lines do seem to come out of nowhere, don’t they? 🙂

        • About being the better person making one lesser, I never thought of it that way before.


          • So true, it’s a trick. And that is an excellent point about how being the better the person can make us a lesser person.

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