Posted by: Judy | March 18, 2015

Meme debunking…

There’s a whole series of memes along this line:

“Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.”

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” ~ Thumper

“Kindness is the answer.”

Granted, one must learn to be circumspect. It’s part of being compassionate, honorable, loving your neighbor as yourself, etc.

All of these lovely memes are teaching the same thing: Silence the victim of abuse.

What a victim must say to start healing isn’t beautiful, isn’t nice, and has nothing at all to do with kindness. It’s ugly, hateful, and cruel.

Moving from victim to survivor to thrivor is brutal. Learning to accept that pretending everything is sweet and wonderful will never work.

Rule #1: Stop Lying, especially to yourself.

The roses are in bloom. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen them this pretty. They required unpleasant work for the desired result. Even using leather gloves, I ended up with more than a few scratches and punctures from the thorns. Pruning isn’t my favorite job; it’s hot, sweaty, and my back and arms are always sore. I’m not a bit sorry I make the effort.




  1. Needs a love it button.

    • 🙂

  2. I enjoy the meme debunks b/c I learn another perspective. Memes are multi-dimensional. People who don’t go through abuse wouldn’t necessarily see these phrases as silencing the victim. It is ‘easier’ to draw from one’s own experiences. I like how you bring it from other’s perspectives even when it doesn’t necessarily match your own.

    Beautiful roses! xx

    • You’re absolutely right: Being a survivor gives a completely different perspective. I’m grateful you’re also benefiting from the exercise. ((TR))

      The roses are amazing this year. 🙂

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