Posted by: Judy | January 29, 2015

Follow Up to yesterday’s meme…

Yesterday’s meme frequently leads to other questions: What did I do wrong?

And on the opposite side: Who did this to me?

Those questions lead to either accepting responsibility for everything or blaming others for everything.

The problem with the first question: It leaves no room for the very real possibility that you may have done absolutely nothing wrong. So, you’re scrambling to make something right that wasn’t wrong to begin with.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is insane.

The problem with the second question: Sometimes life happens. Yes, it is important to recognize and accept if someone used you, abused you, or mistreated you. It isn’t about assigning blame so you can seek revenge. It is about recognizing who is responsible for whatever action occurred.

It is not my responsibility to change the person who treated me badly. It is my responsibility to decide how I will respond. Hopefully, I respond in a healthy manner. I’m not perfect, but I am learning.

This is the problem with many memes. The statement is focused on one tiny perspective and more often than not the perspective depends on the person reading it. There is no blanket comprehension of the meaning. It’s a bit dangerous because we all think we know what we’re talking about but the truth is that none of us knows, unless we ask each other: “What do you think it means?” Then listen instead of projecting or superimposing our own ideas.

What’s needed but rarely discussed is Balance.

We live in a world that encourages all or nothing. We tout moderation but don’t live it. The world demands you have a job you love, a family you adore, the perfect physique, a beautiful home, a great city, all the right beliefs, or at least be on the right road to that destination, by the world’s definition.

Judith shared a link to a personal trainer who grumbled about the ab shots people are posting. I’m familiar with the amount of work required to attain the coveted “six pack.” I know it’s unrealistic for most people.

Side note: One of my friends when I was younger wanted a bodybuilder physique. His trainer sympathized and informed him it wasn’t going to happen without “enhancers.” He didn’t have the right body type. He could build muscle, but it would always be long and lean. It’s simply the way his body’s built. Can’t change it without doing stupid stuff.

Anyway, what I loved most was the trainer’s declaration: Everyone has abs.

For me, that was a stop and think a minute moment.

I’m heavier than I’ve ever been before. In some ways, I’m also healthier than I’ve ever been before. I’m eating better, simply too much. I walk every day but one. I do my physical therapy every day but one. I haven’t thrown out my back in a few years… I think. It’s been that long. I take pain medication a few times a month. Ten years ago, I rotated pain medication every four hours, for months, due to back pain… okay, a herniated disc. Nasty business.

Hmmm. What do you know. I’m doing awesome… I am awesome. Yes, I’ve been listening to Anima Series’ Message for Women. I continue to work on embracing it.

Back to the questions.

The only question I’ve found that saves me from falling on either side of the extreme insanity all or nothing:

“What do I do with what has happened?”


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