Posted by: Judy | January 19, 2015

Love and Lazy

I’ve been reading the contemporary romance Jane’s Gift by Abby Gaines. She’s one of my favorite writers; she invariably makes me think. In this book, she has a five-year-old who’s lost her mother. Her dad is told that one of the ways he can show her he loves her is to make her raisin toast. Yes, she could make it herself. She isn’t being lazy; it’s something her little girl mind views as loving.

How many times was I accused of being lazy?

I would ask for help with little things and learned I couldn’t ask for anything.

To this day, I don’t expect to receive what I ask for. I hope, but I don’t expect it.

Never in my life have I said (at least, not to my memory), “If you loved me, you would…”

Okay, I’ve done it with God. However, it was also a long time ago when I was struggling to figure out our relationship. It was usually a bid for some sort of sign He was aware of me. He’s also come through more often once I stopped qualifying how He had to show me. He came through before, but I didn’t recognize it.

I changed it to: “If You love me, would You…”

Now it’s: “I know You love me, but I need a breadcrumb, something to remind me…”

He tends to send me loaves, not simply breadcrumbs. It’s up to me to recognize it, a sign I’m aligning my will with His. An intriguing dance. I’m learning.

Back to the toast in the book. I stopped and mulled the concept. So many memories flashed through my mind, including asking for someone to make toast for me. I also remember the reply, “Don’t be lazy. You’re capable of making it yourself.”

When asking for other things, the reply generally fell along the lines of, “Don’t be lazy. You’re capable of doing it yourself.”

The truth is: It was never about what I was capable of doing.

I learned asking for help was pointless. I’m unlearning this.

I learned I was lazy. I’m unlearning this.

I learned I wasn’t worth the trouble to do something for, even something small. I was worthless. I’m unlearning this.

I still have a lot to learn.

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Responses

  1. Hugs….not lazy…on our walks I appreciate you slowing down a bit so I can keep up.

    • ((Ruth)) 🙂

  2. Great post! I love it when fiction triggers deeper insights. I read an article last month about how people have different love languages. The definition is similar to what you write about breadcrumbs. People have different definitions of actions that mean/show love. It is similar to how people define help. What one person sees as a loving gesture, isn’t received as a loving gesture. (***cough***Gifts?) 😉

    My mother often said ‘don’t be lazy, do it yourself’. How quickly they jumped to the conclusion it is our character rather than asking for help. I still find myself, although less today, defining myself as lazy when I don’t do something myself. Unlearning the external, forced definitions about myself too. 🙂

    • Yes! 😀 We’re many things, but lazy isn’t one of them. 🙂


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