Posted by: Judy | December 2, 2014

Another Mended Musings link…

The first of the triad holidays is over. Now, it’s time to process…

Mended Musings brought up something I’ve been thinking about…

I’ve been wondering if I need to go back into counseling… for the fourth time.

I’m a goldfish in a bowl. Two children with sticks poke at the goldfish throughout the day, conveying the following messages this past week: “Notice me.” “Pay attention to me.” “Answer me.” “Tell me what I want to hear.” “What you need doesn’t matter because you’re a possession.” “If you don’t give the answer I want to hear, I’ll keep asking.” “Not telling me what I want to hear is the same as ignoring me.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You don’t eat right.” “I’ll tell others about your eating problems if I want to.” “Do what we want you to do, after all, we don’t ask much.” “Tell us everything you’re doing until we’re satisfied with the answer.” “We have the right to know what we want to know, and you are unkind when you refuse to answer.” “Your privacy is whatever we decide it is.” “You must be perfectly pleasant all the time or we’ll tell everyone how difficult you are.”

Feeding time is now a feeding frenzy. Poke. Poke. Poke.

The water in the bowl is turning pink, but it isn’t enough. The goldfish is tattered. It is the goldfish’s fault for not being more cooperative. If the goldfish only cooperated, everything would be fine.

Yes, I have trouble with boundaries. Thanks TR for helping me identify it. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it on my own. TR wrote a great post on boundaries. I’m so impressed with her methodical, consistent effort. I want to learn to do this…

What’s held me back from going back into counseling?

I don’t know what I want out of counseling. Actually, what I don’t want is to hear what I’ve heard over and over again. I know I need to move out. Finances make it impossible. What more is there to discuss?

I outlined this post and then opened my email to find a post on grief by Scott Williams, a counselor. I needed the reminder.

And another DaySpring devotional from (in)courage.

I don’t know what else to do.

I’m not quitting. I’m turning it over to The Counselor. He’s sent some awesome help so far.

And then one of my dear friends sent Christmas and birthday early: Books ~ Your Life Still Counts: How God Uses Your Past to Create a Beautiful Future by Tracie Miles and You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth.

How cools is that?


  1. Going back to counseling is hardly a failure. We all have good times and bad and the listening ear of a counselor may be just what you need to regain your sense of balance and perspective. All the best in whatever you decide.

    • “Going back to counseling is hardly a failure.” True. I’m more concerned about finding another good counselor. All three of my counselors have been amazing. I suppose I’m afraid the next one won’t be as good… oh… my last counselor wanted me to see a life coach instead of a counselor next. Thanks, thoughtsalone.

  2. Counseling is something that, in my own opinion, offers a fresh perspective, and has nothing at all to do with success or failure. It allows a safe place to discuss those things we usually keep to ourselves. You don’t have to be broken or dangerously depressed to benefit from counseling; you only have to be willing to be honest and be prepared to open your eyes and ears to some new concepts that you might not have otherwise had an opportunity to discover. I don’t know about you, but during the years I was in counseling, it had a huge impact on my ability to navigate life in an improved way.

    One other thought, (said with a friendly and encouraging smile) … one of the things I learned in counseling is that things we believed to be impossible are sometimes only one small step to the left or right, and can happen when we least expect it.

    For instance, I always believed wholeheartedly, with every fiber of my being, that there would NEVER be a day I could be in the same room with my father without (a) fear, (b) hatred, (c) loathing, and (d) disgust. Fast-forward two years later, and all the fear was completely gone, and the hatred and loathing and disgust had turned into a wary form of exploring the possibility that we might make amends. Fast-forward another few years, and not only did we make amends, (as best as possible), but we actually had some very honest and heart-felt conversations. The impossible had become possible.

    Since the subject of “just move out and your problems will be solved” is such a hot button issue for you, it would make sense that you would let any future counselor know that any such advice or suggestion will only serve to alienate you and make you feel as if you are not being heard. When you are going through the process of getting to know a new counselor, I’ve always found it helpful to set a few boundaries, right up front. In your case, it sounds like this might be one of your boundaries. Do not cross this line, or I will feel as if you are not listening to me, or that you haven’t heard what I’m saying. If you feel compelled to broach the subject, do it in such a way that acknowledges my boundaries. Otherwise, we’re clearly not a good match.

    • I never thought of setting boundaries with my counselor. One step at a time. I did restart dog therapy, and it helps.

  3. {{{{{{Judy}}}}}}

    • Thanks (((((((Judith)))))))

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