Posted by: Judy | October 6, 2014

Reminder to myself…

Nothing has changed, and nothing is going to change as regards the parents.

I’ve repeatedly promised myself I won’t harp on the insanity anymore. It builds up, and I break my promise to not harp to keep the promise to remember it really isn’t me.

A week ago Sunday, because I was laughing with one of my brothers and his family, NM observed that my deadline must be past. Have I mentioned here how unsettling it is to have someone comment on whether you laugh too much or too little? Talk about making a person self conscious. Anyway, I told them the deadline was the first. From that night on, every night, around 9:00, NM called “goodnight.” She has been told, repeatedly, that doing so interrupts me and is disruptive. Since the deadline past, she hasn’t called “goodnight” once.

For the record, I have a placard on my door that says, “Writer at work.” NM has commented that it’s a helpful reminder. The placard has not been removed. It is helpful when she wants to notice.

If she is confronted, she will deny knowing. She will exhibit being hurt and shift into martyr mode because she “can’t do anything right.” She will cry and sound pathetic.

Do I sound heartless?

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen the performance so many times it no longer holds the same punch.

My sister has seen it so many times she’s able to mimic it to such perfection, so much so I can feel my anxiety skyrocket, even though I know my sister is only playacting.

What kind of person deliberately sabotages someone else?

What kind of mother undermines her daughter’s struggle to meet a deadline?

Dear God, what am I supposed to learn from this? I’ve been at it for over 50 years. Am I missing something? Am I too slow? Or am I actually learning the lessons, but I’m not appreciative of the fact?

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Responses

  1. You don’t sound heartless. However, your mother does. You aren’t Teflon — stuff doesn’t just bounce off you.

    • Teflon? That makes me laugh. Definitely not Teflon. I am learning how amazing copper is but only if it’s properly cared for… I like the idea of being copper… I’m also still recovering from sleep deprivation, so I hope that made sense. 🙄 Thanks ((Judith))

  2. I was told once that we know intelectually that people wont change but there is that part inside of us that wants them to so much, we keep hoping and waiting for it to happen. Also think it’s hard to accept things that people do that we wouldn’t do to others, especially if its someone in our life who is “supposed to be” nurturing and supportive. I get what you’re saying, only too well.

    • That’s it exactly. Thanks ((Cynthia))

  3. Her deliberate cruelty is always denied. Now we know, but is still hard to fathom what point there is in such cruelty. Hugs. You turned it in any way. She couldn’t stop you. High five.

    • True, and yes, I did. 🙂 ((Ruth))

  4. (((Judy)))

    • (((TR)))


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