Posted by: Judy | August 4, 2014

Storm broke…

…and it’s terrifying.

One of the following has occurred: Coincidence is astonishing; NM has found this blog; or someone is sharing what’s on this blog.

If someone is trying to be helpful and telling her about this blog: STOP IT! You’re making it worse.

Last Thursday morning, I shared the frustration of the way my parents keep tabs on me all day.

At 11 am, I came out to the kitchen to make my lunch, knowing I was home alone. I knew they were running errands. A note waited for me, on the table, informing me they were out of the house so wouldn’t bungle into the kitchen. Guilt trip.

They left me alone all day. Not a single interruption.

It was wonderful! Though a little scary. I decided that maybe NM didn’t find the blog but was reacting to the fact that she’d been in the kitchen during my lunch on Wednesday, and I *gasp* ignored her, leaving the house without a word. She knew she’d violated a boundary she had agreed to, and me ignoring her was her definition of punishment.

Friday morning, EF asked how my writing was going. I admitted it had gone quite well. They did not connect the dots. Friday was back to the same intrusions.

Both NM and EF have been saccharin sweet lately, extra cheerful. Guilt trip.

No. No. No.

These are all distractions.

Time in the kitchen. It isn’t about the kitchen. It’s the same problem as interrupting me when I’m working.

It’s about violating boundaries. They don’t grasp that.

Their over-the-top cheerfulness: I’m glad they’re happy. I was not allowed to be overly happy, or sad, or angry, or anything but perfectly pleasant. I’m not allowed to be preoccupied. I’m not allowed to be frustrated or discouraged or absentminded. I’m not allowed to be my own person.

Continuing tomorrow…


Responses

  1. It sounds to me like they’re changing “tactics”. It’s my experience that when I am “non-negotiably” FIRM with my mother, she “puts on” the sugary sweet “mask”. It’s their way of trying to “win you back”. Ignore, take a deep breath and carry on writing 🙂 xx

    • My thought, too. Thanks for the confirmation. 🙂

      • You’re welcome 🙂 Let us know how it progresses.

        • Will do. 🙂

  2. I’m with Kara. In my opinion, nothing changed because she read my book. So I figure nothing would change if the read our blogs. We told them. Mother smiled and said it was what she wanted….she is just really weird. She heard my comment in Church yesterday and came over to compliment me, I ignored her earlier. She previously complained not being able to hear my comments. She is just really weird. Hugs.

    • ((Ruth))

  3. I can understand your paranoia that she found the blog, but I agree with the comments above that they’re just changing tactics to try to get what they want. I think if they’d found the blog instead of being scary sweet, you’d be getting vitriol. I gathered that you have been laying down boundaries and they refused to keep them, but you’ve held fast, so that is likely driving them to “kill you with kindness” so that they can claim they did everything you asked and you’re still a terrible, ungrateful daughter.

    These narcissists enjoy pulling the rug out from under our feet. 😦

    • True. I’m so grateful for my friends who help me see beyond the gaslighting.

  4. Wow to what Judith said “so that is likely driving them to “kill you with kindness” so that they can claim they did everything you asked and you’re still a terrible, ungrateful daughter.”

    Wow, wow, wow. You are holding to your boundaries, seeing it for what it is, doing great. xx

    • Thanks ((TR))


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