Posted by: Judy | July 31, 2014

Fail, fail, fail…

My sister has mentioned on her blog that the calm is more terrifying than the storm. It is vital to be on high alert because the storm will break. The only question is when.

It’s been less than two weeks since the blatant violation of one of the simple boundaries set by my sister and I after we called it quits on accepting the lies at the beginning of June. I’m supposed to be allowed an hour at 6, 11, 2, and 5 to make my meals, without interruption without being crowded, without being treated like I’m in the way. I never use the 2 o’clock time. Good thing because the parents are usually in there. At 6am, I’m the only one awake and home. It’s cereal so I’m done with making, eating, and washing up by 6:30am. So, really, I’m supposed to be allowed 2 hours a day, 2 hours not in succession to make, eat, and clean up two meals, 11 am and 5 pm.

For the record, they’ve never really adhered to the leave me alone request. If something comes up they think is important, they have no problem coming down the hall and talking to me. I do keep the door open a few inches. If I don’t, my room becomes unbearably stuffy.

I added a “Writer at Work” sign to the door, which is ignored.

Let me help you understand what this means: Imagine you have a phone connecting you to your parents. You cannot turn it off or turn it down. They call you every few hours, no matter what you’re doing. The only way to escape it is to leave without anyway to be contacted, and they call you the moment you return. One of them will call you, just for a minute, sometimes tag-teaming, as much as a dozen times a day.

If you ignore them, they will tell people how rude you are. You are heartless because you don’t talk to them. Or they are worried about you because they can’t understand why you’re so uncommunicative.

It doesn’t matter if you’re working on a time-sensitive project. Deadlines don’t mean anything to them. It doesn’t matter how many times or ways you explain, they will pretend like they understand and even empathize and then do exactly what they want to do.

Now multiply it by decades.

I want to cry but that feels so pointless. So, yesterday, I ate half a pizza and almost a half a bag of Oreos. I knew what I was doing and why. I couldn’t figure out a way to handle it differently.

This is what I want to learn how to change. I understand the problem. I can’t figure out how to fix it without the option of going no contact.

Yes, it was a lousy day. Today will be better.


Responses

  1. ((Judy)) I totally get how you feel. The subtle bullying attempts are so cruel, so well masked with concern.

    What happens when they do interrupt?

    • I lose my train of thought. I’ve lost entire scenes in my writing. It’s in my head, and I’m working to put it on the page. “Judy!” And my mind goes blank. Sometimes, I’m able to recapture what I was thinking, though it takes a while. Too often, it’s completely gone, and I have to start over.

      Then they have the audacity to ask me how my writing is coming and act like it matters to them. If it mattered to them, they’d leave me alone. I’ve told them this more times than I care to count, explaining in detail. Nothing changes.

      I keep forgetting this is a form of bullying because it isn’t obvious.

      Thanks ((TR))

      • Ugh, losing your train of thought, I can imagine the sound, the tone can cause triggers. Hang in there. xx

  2. Brilliant TR, I hadn’t thought of it as a form of bullying. Wow. Hugs Sis….Mi casa es su casa your welcome to an escape whenever your writing allows it. Hugs.

    • Thanks ((Ruth))

  3. Have you ever thought of attending an Overeaters Anonymous meeting? From what I’ve gathered it’s very much like AA and I found AA so helpful in getting myself on track, not just with my drinking but with dealing with why I did it to myself.

    • Thanks for the suggestion, Judith. I’m looking into it.

  4. I imagine that to have to stop your thought process once you’re so concentrated must be near enough painful too. Is there a place where you could go at least for a couple of hours in the day (like a public library or something) where they’d be unable to reach you?

    • I’m saving for a MacBook… or maybe it’s an AirMac… can’t remember, but saving for a laptop with Word for Mac on it so I can take it anywhere and work. Should have done that a long time ago. I’m finally figuring out how really important it is for me.


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