Posted by: Judy | June 9, 2014

Link to Scott Williams

Scott shared a timely post (for me) on forgiving and forgetting:

Growing bored is ever so much easier than forgiving. To my way of thinking, growing bored isn’t as encompassing as forgiveness. Forgiveness requires I consider myself and my abuser. I know it’s about me, but it’s more encompassing in my mind. Growing bored is simply about me.

I remind myself that forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Giving the first does not require giving the second. The first is given. The second must be earned. Forgiveness means releasing my desire for revenge, for settling the score, for exacting what I consider fair. Forgiveness frees me. It does not free the abuser in any way at all. They must still do what they must to make amends, to change, to repent. None of those things are my responsibility, except as regards my own foulups.

Trust only works when both people recognize and respect healthy boundaries.

Forgiveness is not absolution. I am able to give forgiveness. Absolution only comes from God.


  1. This reminds me of something I heard on the radio that Maya Angelou said about forgiveness when interviewed by Oprah:

    Oprah: I’ve tried to let people know, as you have taught me over the years, that when you forgive somebody, it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to invite them to your table.

    Maya Angelou: Indeed not. No, no, no. I don’t even want you around me. It just means I’m finished with you.

    • What an intriguing point of view. Thanks for sharing it, Pandora Viltis.

  2. Thank you for sharing. Forgiveness has been about being bored for me as he mentions. When I was sad and let myself be the victim, cry – it took a while but it only stopped when I got sick of feeling like the victim, sick of grieving. It was when I had enough.

    What you say about freeing you, that is so very true. xx

    • ((TR))

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