Posted by: Judy | May 13, 2014

Unsettled…

I hate the sensation of something coming. The “something” usually catches me off guard, despite knowing there’s something headed my way. The snarky me says, “Ummm… yeah. It’s called life.”

Saucy baggage.

No, something that will change my world. Then again, maybe it’s happening right now in little incremental bits and pieces. The culmination will be the surprise. I don’t know. I hate surprises. Too many surprises haven’t been fun.

Damaging my arm has required I slow down, and yet I haven’t. I can’t write as much because my arm becomes sore quickly. However, I’ve made jam. It had to be made. The berries were ripe. Can’t say, “Oops. Now isn’t convenient. Ripen next week, would you?” I vacuumed my room because I’ve cleared some clutter. I couldn’t stand the bits of dust. I’m reading, a lot. It doesn’t bother my arm much.

I’ve made a significant change in my diet. I’ve replaced ham with beef, turkey, and chicken. Cookies, other than biscotti, are out of the house and so is cake. Hot chocolate, my own make, and biscotti is a favorite dessert. I also enjoy Dove dark chocolate. Interestingly enough, I’m able to exercise some control over the dark chocolate.

As part of my weekly review, I now list possible food choices. I red star whatever I use during the week.

I’ve been cleaning up blogs, sorting books, thinking about the coming year. What do I want to accomplish? I need to prepare a schedule that includes trigger times like February and Mother’s Day. I need to decide what I want to participate in and what I don’t. I’ve a readers’ conference coming, and I’m not sure I want to participate next year.

Trusted authors are leaning more toward using the “F-bomb” and for me it is exactly that. It’s an ugly, hate-filled word. It sullies something that is sacred. They’re also becoming more graphic in their descriptions and leaning toward increasing unhealthy behaviors and relationships. It saddens me and disappoints me. I hate having to say “good-bye” to old friends, but they aren’t healthy. I’ve been working so hard to become healthier.

In addition, over at “Coming Back Home,” Dr. Dee Rajska is continuing the discussion on mindfulness. She deals with veterans with PTSD, but I have no trouble gleaning what I may for my own situation. In this post she addresses UNmindfulness, or the art of furiously doing.

http://canadianveteransadvocacy.com/comingbackhome/?p=779

I cannot help but wonder if I’m actually changing or if I’m stuck in furiously doing.


Responses

  1. Man, I know what you mean – mine is organization. I liked the blogger’s point about being satisfied with having done something. It is hard to tell sometimes, I find that there is some daily stuff that needs to get done and that is part of life. And then I think, how much actually ‘needs’ to get done in one day?

    I’ve seen you reflect on some of the stuff on your list and that to me does not seem like furiously doing. Self-reflecting and taking time to celebrate the small success is setting goals and enjoying reaching them. xxTR

    • Now that I’m working in the habit of reviewing the week maybe I need to review at the end of the day. I think the reason I haven’t is because some days I don’t accomplish much except make it through. Those days I don’t want to think about the day anyway. I do plan for the day while I’m out for my walk. Thanks for reminding me I do reflect and celebrate. ((TR)) I think I need to plan more celebrating. 🙂

      • Definitely more celebrating. 🙂 ((Judy))

  2. Sounds like plenty of healthy choices going on. I can also have some control over the dark chocolate, for some reason it does not trigger me to eat the entire container. I like the trigger calendar. We need to plan ahead and build in recovery time. Furiously doing? That’s a tough one. Hubby accuses me of this, that I am constantly working on getting better, making changes, and not just living. I think I have spurts of furiously doing, but mostly I am ‘actively doing’ right now. Finding a balance between depression’s nothingness and furiously doing must be – life itself? Nothing feels so desperate any more, so I think we are on the path to balance, and may wobble from one side to the other, everyone does.

    • Oh! I like “actively doing!” It really does feel more and more like actively rather than furiously. I wonder if the difference is in furiously doing I’m not really accomplishing much. I’m doing to be doing. Whereas with actively doing I have a goal and I’m working toward it. Perhaps part of the reason I feel like I’m furiously doing is that my writing isn’t moving forward at the pace I need to meet my commitments. Of course, the arm isn’t helping. 🙄 Go us!

  3. Wow, do I ever need this right now. My counselor got after me when I complained about a lull I was in. He chided me for thinking it was abnormal not to be doing 10 things at once and only doing 4 or 5 feels absolutely odd. Doing all one….really who has time for that? Yup I am seeing a post forming here. Thank you Judy, I appreciate you sharing this and bringing it to my scattered attention. Hugs….

    • Let’s face it, we were expected to do a dozen things at once. If we didn’t look busy enough, we were assigned more to do. So, we need to unlearn what we have learned. 🙂


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