Posted by: Judy | May 8, 2014

Small at the moment but may be huge…

I mentioned recently that as a child I was the energizer bunny. I was enthusiastic over the little things. I believe I used the example of my cheering about being given a penny for the gum-ball machine.

Various people throughout my life have endeavored to squash my… joie de vivre… wow… never thought of it that way before. NM scolded me for being too loud. “Hold still.” “Stop fidgeting.” “What is wrong with you?” I was humiliated in public on a regular basis. EF didn’t spare me either. He was more subtle.

This past weekend, I allowed the high-intensity me out. I do a lot of putting my toe in the water… actually, it’s more like throwing it out there to see what happens but being prepared to withdraw, quickly, if necessary.

On more than one occasion NM has confessed to others that she needs to leave the room because the intensity is too much for her. For the record, my childhood memories consist mostly of her screaming or giving the silent treatment. I came by “the voice” honestly. She plays meek and mild, until thwarted or if it’s something in which she is intensely interested. It’s really kind of sad because she’s squashed the joie de vivre out of herself and calls is being righteous.

Wow. Didn’t realize I was holding that inside. Her reaction wasn’t the one that mattered this past weekend.

EF did his best to rein me in. Both parents are passive-agressive, because it gives them deniability. I know this because I’ve done it. It’s something I’m endeavoring to change in myself, and I think I’m pretty successful. Sorry, mentally wandering again. In any case, he likened me to a tornado.

I was done.

“This is not new. I have always been intense. You’ve never liked it. I no longer care. Deal with it.”

I said it with a smile on my face, without anger. Me at my sarcastic best. The shock on his face was amusing and my own sense of relief was startling.

Interestingly enough, I no longer feel quite so squished.


Responses

  1. Awesome! Love it! Go you! xx

    • Thanks ((TR))

      • ((Judy))

  2. A real Kodak moment and I missed it. Cheering for you!!!!!!

    • Thanks, Ruth!

  3. Good for you!

    • Thanks, Pandora Viltis.

  4. Good for you! I’m trying to remember, in my life, to encourage such joy and enthusiasm in people, esp my kids. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

    • You’re welcome, Amanda. 🙂


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