Posted by: Judy | May 2, 2014

Why Can’t We All Get Along?

Good question.

I could accuse the person asking the question of being whiney but that would be unkind.

The new feel-good trend is about being kind, nice, helpful, perfectly pleasant.

For those who wonder why we can’t all get along, there’s a fairly simple and obvious answer.

Some people don’t want to “get along.”

Some people enjoy hurting others.

Some people are so desperate to be in control they are willing to do anything to gain control.

Some people think the planet, their company, their corner of the world is worth doing anything no matter how much it hurts someone else, up to and including killing them.

Some people think other people are a virus on the earth, and if they don’t change, comply, capitulate, then they should be eliminated.

Some people are so desperate to blame others they are unwilling to acknowledge evil exists in and of itself.

Some people would rather believe lies than search for the truth for whatever reason they create to make themselves comfortable.

I know people who refuse to accept personal responsibility, including me. Unfortunately, I was also taught to accept responsibility for things over which I have absolutely no earthly control.

Part of the grooming process of victims is to teach them everything is their own fault. What happened to them is their fault. They are so powerful they control the abuser, except they don’t.

Interestingly enough, my fall actually was my fault. I was so harshly trained to stay on the sidewalk, I did everything I could to stay on it. Yes, it’s that insane. All I had to do was step off the sidewalk, and I would have maintained my balance. Interestingly enough, my sister doesn’t have the same hangup about staying on the sidewalk that I do, at least not to the same degree. Perhaps because she’s worked hard to move past it. I know she practiced being gentler with her children. On the other hand, with my dog, I worked hard to keep her on the sidewalk in order to keep her from picking up stickers. However, I’ve never been comfortable with stepping off the beaten path. Actually, I was terrorized into staying in the known way… the way laid out for me. I wasn’t to vary or wander from what was decided was best for me. My opinion was surplus to necessity.

I’m practicing stepping off the sidewalk. This is an effort to “get along” with myself.

As long as people believe that if everyone changed “just a little bit” we could “all get along,” they will be disappointed, frustrated, angry, dismayed, baffled…whatever because the truth is:

We can’t all get along in this life as long as evil exists. In fact, hoping for us to “all get along” is exactly what evil would advise, knowing such an impossible expectation would create more grief, more frustration, more problems.

Why can’t we all accept that evil exists?

And sometimes it isn’t even about evil at all.

Sometimes, life happens because it isn’t perfect. Life, from conception to death, was never meant to be perfect.

Life has never been about “getting along.” Life is about learning, growing, embracing the truth and goodness. It isn’t always easy to learn the difference between truth and lies, especially when abusers groom victims to survive on lies. There are also plenty of people willing to muddy the truth to their own end.

So, I do the best I’m able and set a new bar for my best and work to reach it. I’m crabby sometimes. I’m imperfect. I make mistakes. I’m forgiving. I’m capable of holding a grudge. I’ve let go of a lot of bad things in my life. I’m learning to replace a lot of bad habits with healthy new habits. I’m learning to say ‘yes’ and to say ‘no.’ I know there are a lot of amazing, wonderful people in the world. I also know there are some people who think they’re altruistic but are appallingly destructive. I also know people who choose evil over goodness. Me being kind and accepting is not helpful. In fact, it has made me complicit. If someone thinks I overreacted to something, I may not be responding to what they think I did.

I don’t have the energy to be friends with everyone. I don’t want to be friends with everyone. There are plenty of people I not only don’t want as friends, but I don’t want any association with them. Some people choose unhealthy ways of life. I’m working hard to learn to be healthy.

Why can’t we all get along? Because some people choose evil, and evil is not an acceptable choice.


  1. The ‘get along’ is a way of control, indeed. That is an excellent point that it supports unhealthiness. It costs too much energy to have everyone like you and I am learning to ask myself, why would I want someone who hurts me to like me? So then they have free reign to continue. No thanks. xx

    • Exactly 🐻

  2. Love this post. I often feel bad if I don’t want to get along with someone, like the running coach who lied about his times and yelled a lot (other runners called it “barking”, but I had a more negative response to it). I retreated to get away from him. Now I have the opportunity to fill out a survey to the program coordinators, and I’m hesitating about my feedback. Not because it’s not valid but I want to be a good girl and “get along”.

    Thanks for this post because I’m rethinking what “get along” means.

    • You’re welcome.

      When I have an unpleasant letter to write, I write everything I want to say, including all the ugly stuff. I use whatever language I want to use. I then set it aside for a little while. I come back to it and rewrite it using what’s constructive. It allows me to express all my emotions safely.

  3. “Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk.” — Kelly Clarkson

    Literally. Good for you for trying out the alternatives!

    • How funny. Those lyrics struck me when I heard them, but it’s been a while. People probably think I’m drunk the way I keep stepping off the sidewalk. What I didn’t expect is that I’m more aware of the space around me. 🙂

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