Posted by: Judy | December 23, 2013

Timely reminder from another blogger…

Seth’s post is a good reminder for this time of year:

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/12/18/an-open-letter/

Seth has suffered from depression, to the point of attempting suicide. He survived and offers hope to others who struggle likewise.

My sister shared the PTSD advice given through one of the FB groups:

http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2013/12/ptsd-crunches-christmas.html

For now, I’ve stepped into the light and I’m enjoying the brilliance. I don’t know how long it will last, and it doesn’t matter. I’m reveling in the moment.

Follow up note: I’m disappointed in myself. I wrote this post a few days ago. I’ve done remarkably well this year. Then yesterday happened. I was a little late finishing the preparations for my lunch. In fact, I was finishing up. Less than a minute to go. NM and EF came home. NM couldn’t go wash her hands or put away her coat or do anything else. She needed to be right where I was. I had less than a minute’s worth of cleaning to do to be out of the way. This is a game. It sounds stupid because it is.

As I left the kitchen, I muttered under my breath, “Now, I’m out of your way.”

First I was angry with myself for becoming angry.

This time, I asked myself why I became angry. I was hurt. Hurt that once again she made it clear I was in the way. The story of my life. Always in the way. Always causing more work for someone else. Always making things difficult. Always demanding someone else have to make room for me, have to make way for me, have to wait to do what they need to do because of me. And then when they go to the trouble to make way for me, I’m not appreciative.

If NM had simply hung up her coat or washed her hands or even put on an apron over her good clothes… she didn’t have to do all three, one of them would have given me enough time to finish up. It would have changed the tone totally and completely. Less than a minute. How sad is that?

She could have talked to me about her morning while she put away her coat, but she would have complained about not hearing me if I answered. The same with washing her hands… she would have complained about not being able to hear me over the water… Because she wouldn’t tell me about her morning, she would have asked me a question, expecting an answer… an answer she wouldn’t hear, even with her hearing aids. She never hears me. Ever. She only hears me if I yell at her. I hate yelling.

She ensured I knew I was in the way, stepping into my path and then stepping back, making a concession for my demands… demands I never made only implied by her.

Her covert manner is well practiced. She leaves me wondering if maybe I was unreasonable. Except I didn’t demand anything. I turned to throw paper towels I’d used away, and she had stepped into the space (the width of a person) between me and the garbage can. I gathered my leftover rice and turned to put it in the fridge, and she was standing at the stove (between me and the fridge) deciding which burner to turn on. She decided she wasn’t ready to turn one on yet. I gathered my bowls for lunch, and she needed something in the fridge but stepped out of the way so I could go by…

Not matter what I did, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and she was no more than a foot from me until I walked out of the room.

Avoiding her is the only safe choice.

Important note: In less than an hour, I worked through my anger, frustration, and hurt. The sun is shining, and the future is rushing forward. It’s going to be a wild ride… okay, the wild ride is continuing, but I’m better at enjoying it.


Responses

  1. I wonder if her actions is about her need for you to pay attention to her? She wants to be noticed rather than you are in the way? Just some random thoughts at 4 AM. Hugs.

    • That is always the center of it. Unfortunately, the moment I do “notice” she figures she has the right to say anything she wants, no matter how unkind, including letting me know I’m in the way. Now, she doesn’t always say something unkind, but you never know when she will. Leaving the only emotionally healthy choice for me is to stay out of her way.

  2. Wow. just Wow..! But on a happier note, I *am* very glad that you were able to work through the anger, that is so good and healthy. Keep up the good work!!!

    • Thanks, Mary.

  3. she is very very good at the game, I will give her that…. and then they both complain that no one comes by anymore……. wahhhhh!

    • True enough. They’ve cut off their nose to spite their face and complain they can’t smell anything. Wait… What? *eye roll* 🙂

  4. I don’t know how you tolerate it.

    • Sometimes, not well. 🙂 I remind myself it could be worse, and has been. Like when I really believed it was all my fault. I’m doing better.

      • No, it’s not your, but it is gas lighting at its finest. Hugs.

        • Thanks for the reminder. ((PV))

  5. If I even start talking right now, it might go on forever… so I’ll only say, I know exactly what this is like. Thank you so much for writing about it.

    (((((Judy)))))

    • Hang in there (((((Cassandra)))))

  6. Ugh, I would be angry at this too. That is wonderful you recognised the anger and the source and moved through it. xx

    • Thanks, TR. Good to see you. 🙂


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