Posted by: Judy | October 17, 2013

Learning to be happy…

Yesterday’s post started me thinking:

What was I taught was happiness? I never considered the fact I’ve never explored what I was taught in this regard.

Laughing. Laughing meant you were happy. I learned to laugh when I was sobbing inside. Great mask. NM will say that she doesn’t like unkind humor. However, I’ve watched her slice and dice with the best of them. She doesn’t like unkind humor if it she deems it as such.

Education, a lot, but it better be the right education, something academic, brainy, will make you a lot of money but isn’t leprous like law.

Wealth, but not too much. If you’re too rich, then you’re greedy.

Family, as long as they are male, of course, or do something they consider praiseworthy, though you might want to be prepared for the backhanded compliment.

Doing what they think is worthy and appropriate. Plays are worthy. Movies are not. Track and field is worth watching but football is stupid…

Their opinion is right and agreeing with them makes them happy.


Messed up.


  1. Definitely messed up.

    • Yep.

  2. Years ago I heard an author on depression say on a radio interview that “we are happy when we’re not giving ourselves a hard time”. That really stuck with me at the time and I tried my best not to “give myself a hard time” -though I can’t say that I have mastered it completely πŸ˜‰ – What I was not prepared for, was that, once I cleared most of my “giving myself a hard time” out of the way, I realised how much my FOO (and a few others) were giving me a hard time. So now I think that that author should have added to his statement: “We are also happy when OTHERS aren’t giving us a hard time”, because ultimately, that voice in the head that gives you a hard time has to come from somewhere, right? (no guesses needed as to know where from :P)

    • Exactly! I like that! I also think it depends on what you consider a hard time. There is the unreasonable hard time, which I learned from the FOO. Then there is the hard time when I’m pushing myself to do better, and I actually am happy when I’m pushing myself to do better… except when I’m beating myself up in the process… I clearly haven’t caught up on sleep yet. πŸ™‚

      • I think the guy meant it as “beating ourselves up” πŸ™‚

        • πŸ˜€

          • Hi Guys,
            That is an eye opener to look at it that way; thank you for sharing. xxoo

  3. Very messed up. My mom is the same way. And my dad by default.

    • Sad how they’re peas in a pod.

  4. It seems we learn new (different) definitions for connection and emotions. Connection to a person is through a thing, emotions are due to things. Very much like Kara’s post on the I-You, I-It type of relationship. Ns define other people’s worth. Like a checklist. And even if you hit the checklist, it changes. As you say, be rich, but not too rich, because you’ll be greedy (that measuring stick changes all too often). It is messed up. xxoo

    • Yes, it is. Wish I’d figured it out sooner, but better late than never.

      • Me2.

  5. Sounds truly exhausting!

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