Posted by: Judy | July 23, 2013

More on Failure and Success…

Last Wednesday, I shared the idea of embracing failure as present by SEAL logic. A SEAL needs to know where their breaking point is so they are able to build and strength.

As I read comments and replied another thought occurred to me:

A SEAL’s failure isn’t quite the same thing as an ACoN’s failure.

Those men going through Hell Week have trained for it. They’ve had failures and successes. Making it into the BUDs program is a huge success all by itself. From there, only a few will successfully complete the program. Those who choose to walk away are not shamed. Their picture of what they want for their life is clarified. In every case, they know there is an end. Hell Week is only a week.

An ACoN is set up to fail. If they are close to succeeding all rules will be changed to ensure failure. If success is somehow achieved the success will be diminished, demeaned, dismissed. The failures are used as whips. It doesn’t matter success was impossible and making an attempt was Herculean. All that matters is that the child fails.

Children of narcissists are not children to the narcissist.

In the world of the narcissist, the only person of significance is the narcissist. Everyone around them either adds to them or detracts from them. Depending on which side of that line you fall determines whether you are friend or foe. Foe must be crushed, sometimes with what passes as kindness.

Children of narcissist either make the narcissist look better or they serve the narcissist no matter the cost to the child.

If the child stands out, is noticed separate from the narcissist, then the narcissist will do whatever is necessary to ensure the child is put in his/her place and does not forget his/her place.

Hell Week for the child of a narcissist is every day, year after year, with no end in sight.

There is no honor, respect, hope. Rewards are always a trap.

I actually do embrace the failures, the honest ones not the manufactured ones.


  1. “I actually do embrace the failures, the honest ones not the manufactured ones.”

    Great post, I was taught to feel that everything I did was a failure – when in fact it may or it may not have been. Love the way you put it – manufactured failures! MwN – made with narcissism.

    My mom thought everything I did was not enough – no wonder I have trouble discerning things I do as enough.

    • I love MwN!

      You are enough, TR.

      • Thank you 🙂

  2. I like the contrast. Failure is finding out what doesn’t work in the real world. A narcissistic must ensure that everyone except themselves are less. No win. The relationship is the fail.

    • Yes.

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