Posted by: Judy | May 9, 2013

Destroying the negative tape…

Remember all that turmoil in my life, last month? If not, it’s okay. I’m not holding you accountable. Something I did not delve into deeply was my negative tape.

Chapter 1 shares my negative tape in detail.

I didn’t notice in the midst of the chaos, but my negative tape didn’t show up, not until toward the end.

I was tired after the weeks of stress and conflict and uncertainty and… and… and…

I wrote the letter, and the negative tape kicked in.

Reminder: A few different bloggers have talked about mediation. Someone posted a link about meditation. I’m sorry, but I don’t remember who it was or what the link was. At the time, I didn’t consider it important.

Repeating: At the time, it was such a little thing, I didn’t consider it important.

It mentioned something about choosing a phrase. Any phrase, as long as it was simple and monotonous, bordering on boring.  Because it was boring, it would help the mind slow down.

I never believed it could work for me. I remember how difficult yoga was, especially sponge. My mind wandered constantly. If I try to blank my mind, it will find a distraction. Proof: More than a dozen manuscripts in varying points of completion. My brain never shuts up. Ever.

How could I possibly find something important enough to keep me focused but boring enough to put me to sleep?

I thought of my series “The Silver Locket Sisterhood.” The main focus is brought home when the heroine is given a silver locket containing a picture of herself and another of Jesus to reminder her “She belongs to God.” It’s taken from the scripture in Malachi 3:3.

A story went around on the internet about a women’s Bible study group that read the scripture, and one of the women volunteered to visit a silversmith to learn what it meant. The silversmith explained that to purify silver, he must hold it in the hottest part of the fire until all of the impurities are burned away. He must watch it closely or the silver will be destroyed by the heat. When the woman asked him how he knew the process was finished, he replied, “Oh that’s easy — when I see my image in it.”

One of my dearest friends was in that group and shared the story with me. I’ve never forgotten. It birthed “The Silver Locket Sisterhood” series.

I started with going to sleep thinking over and over “I belong to God.” Funnily enough, it was louder than the old negative tape.

I want to make business cards with the covers of my books on one side and a catch phrase on the other. For the Silver Locket series, I finally settled on “I am God’s.”

Last month, when I reached the end of my rope, the old, negative tape kicked in. It didn’t make it through one sentence without the retort, “I am God’s.”

‘You’re worthless.’

“I’m still God’s.”

‘God doesn’t want you.’

“Maybe so, but I’m still His to do with as He will.”

‘You’re a mess.’

“I’m God’s mess.”

‘God couldn’t love someone like you.’

“He may decide to throw me into the fires of hell. It’s His prerogative because I am His to do with as He will.”

‘You’re–‘

“Yes, I am God’s.”

It seems to be a bit of a conversation killer. I haven’t heard much from my negative tape since. I haven’t written about it sooner because a part of me is afraid I’ve spoken too soon.

I will not underestimate those who would seek to crush me, but I have a viable weapon of remarkable and unexpected power.

I am God’s.

Side note: I’m still struggling with my monetary ability. Yep. I’m really lousy at handling money. True. Thinking about it tears me apart. Even so, I cannot deny the little whisper, “I am God’s,” and it does comfort me a little.


Responses

  1. Simple and effective. You live it too, doubles the power.

    • Thanks. 🙂

  2. (((Judy)))))) I’m so proud of you. Love Mary

    • (((((Mary)))))

  3. My brain never shuts up… until recently with yoga and running. I’m not trying to make it quiet, but rather focusing on my breathing. Doing the simple act of being alive without any agenda. It just sort of happened. The only thing I think about in yoga is how to treat my body, whether it wants me to push it in a pose or back off. I guess I feel it’s a mini miracle.

    I think your reply to your negative tape is its own mantra. I’m glad it works for you. 🙂

    • I think so, too. It does help to view it differently, ie, not trying to shut it up but focus instead.


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