Posted by: Judy | October 12, 2012

Chapter 19 review…

Love isn’t easy. I think the hardest is loving yourself. I’m not feeling particularly lovable. My finances are a mess, without much hope on the horizon. My weight is a mess, and hasn’t really changed in years. The second book of my Endless Possibilities series is due at the end of this month, and I’m still only on chapter one of my personal deep edit. I’ve been on chapter one all week. It’s better, but I don’t have time to dawdle like this. My first book of my Silver Locket Sisterhood series is due to be published next month. It’s much more personal than the Endless Possibilities series, though to be honest I can’t write without revealing part of my soul. I’m feeling trapped in a gilded cage, gilded by myself. One of my friends offered to invite me to escape through her home, but it would require leaving everything behind. I couldn’t. Perhaps if I had been 20 years younger. Added to it all is dicey health. My favorite eatery is looking for help, and I considered it, until my body let me know how foolish I was. My back is a mess. I’ve worked hard to improve and done remarkably well, but not enough. I look in the mirror, and I don’t like what I see. I look at my life, and this isn’t what I dreamed of for myself, ever. I look at my book here and wonder why I have so much trouble putting it into practice.


Responses

  1. Perhaps because you are still in a place where people are not interested in loving or supporting you? Your books are amazing. Your heart is kind. God knows your efforts. You are making a difference but that difference sometimes isn’t visible to you. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you. You encouraged me, accepted me, and loved me. You are an amazing sister and I thank God you are part of my life. Hugs. Ruth

    • ((Ruth))

  2. even when you don’t feel lovable, you are loved.

    • ((Janet))

  3. You have made a difference to me xxx

    • ((Kara))

      • (((Judy)))

  4. You are a wonderful person, Judy. (And quite a talented writer, I might add!) Ruth and the others have pretty much said all I was going to say, so I’ll second those things. I’m thinking that part of what may be eating at you is that despite the fact that you’ve put out 2 VERY good books(the 2nd one is for all practical purposes published… we just can’t buyit yet!), your daily life, the externals, hasn’t changed yet. You haven’t seen an income yet from the books– that will take more time… and it’s awfully hard to wait. It would be hard for anyone, but you’ve been waiting a long time for a lot of things. I’m praying for you, I love you, and you are a ray of hope in dark places for a lot of people. (Even people you don’t know, via this blog, and via your books– especially this next one in November.)
    Don’t let the old tape (‘things will never change, I’m not putting into practice what’s in my book’) run on in our head. You are not that tape. You’ve found a new tape, it was always in you, and you’re just gradually building the new tape player that will play it. It’s happening.
    Be kind to yourself, you’re worth it!
    Hugs xoxo Mary

    • (((Mary))) Don’t know how I would have made it through the last ten years without you. Thanks Mary for always being there and keeping me grounded.

  5. {{{{{{Judy}}}}}}

    • ((((((VR))))))


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