Posted by: Judy | October 4, 2012

What does it say…

…when your first book is out for over a month and you finally tell the NM and EF you have three 5-star ratings at Amazon, and NM decides she needs a Kindle?

Why didn’t she need a Kindle when the first book came out?

Why didn’t EF?

How do you say, “I don’t want you to read my books”?

Why in the world did a little part of me preen when she said she wanted a Kindle?

I honestly and truly hate that her approval matters, even if it is only a tiny bit.

This is when I feel really stupid.

When will I learn or take to heart or whatever it is I need to do to accept wholeheartedly the truth: I cannot trust NM or EF. Remaining in contact with them is a perilous game; I’m still walking on eggshells.


Responses

  1. Oh, I hear you on this. I just had a conversation with my husband today about how glad I am my parents have no idea about my business progress or that I’m taking guitar. And I have no intention of letting them know. Lucky for me my mother has gotten do closed minded that she’s unlikely to discover anything about me — because I think she knows I am going to do better than she did (forget they she gave up before she started and blamed everyone for her failing), and she can’t bear to see me succeed. I want them deaf dumb and blind.

    I feel for you. Hugs. Loads of them!

    • Thanks (((vicariousrising))) It helps.

  2. Perhaps another perspective….How do you feel when a stranger says they like your book? Are you lumping together the good feeling of writing a book that people like with approval from NM? Did you wait to feel happy about your book until after she gave her approval? Timing is everything. You feel good. You deserve to feel good. Not only that, I don’t have a kindle but I still have a copy of your book. Hugs. You deserve to feel good and if their buying or not buying you book doesn’t change your feelings then you are not seeking her approval. Congratulations on Three Stars on Amazon. 😀

    • You’re right. I didn’t need it to be happy. ((Ruth)) Thanks.

  3. I have been very remiss because reading some of your story resonates so deeply that it is difficult to continue. I so recognise this and I used to feel slightly guilty when I tried to explain to my son that I am glad he will never encounter his maternal grandmother. Now, I feel no guilt. Just immense satisfaction that her insidious toxicity will not affect someone else. I’m lucky that I have escaped and no longer need to seek or “accept” approval for what I do. And there isn’t a day that passes that I don’t thank God for that. You are amazing and very talented…and you are your own person. x Go Judy! 🙂

    • ((Caroline))


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